


The Many Lives of Audrey Weasley

by disjointed_scribblings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Audrey is a mystery, F/M, Meet-Cute, One Shot Collection, What-If, ministry of magic under death eater control, okay some of these are dark, various situations of shippiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disjointed_scribblings/pseuds/disjointed_scribblings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We know next-to-nothing about Percy's wife... however did they meet?  This is a collection of possibilities (some more serious than others).  Each chapter a new scenario. #10: The Damsel in Distress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Muggle in a Dangerous Time

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a thing that happened. I started wondering about Audrey and couldn't decide which headcanon was my favourite. So... I'm trying my hand at all of them.

“Welcome to Pizza 2 Take, would you like a slice of pizza to take away?” 

The girl who had just barrelled through the (clearly labelled, mind you) doors of Pizza 2 Take looked at Audrey as if she were an alien. 

“Pizza?” she tried again, wondering if the girl maybe didn’t speak English.But pizza was pizza in any language, right? 

“Thank you, I’m just — “ the girl glanced out the window uneasily.“Well, avoiding someone, honestly.I’ll be out of your hair in a flash.” 

Audrey shrugged.“Suit yourself.”It wasn’t like Pizza 2 Take was particularly busy at this time of day.Customers only kept her from her from the calculus textbook tucked under the till and Jonny in the back from his Corrie reruns.As far as Audrey was concerned, people were allowed to duck in for some shelter from the elements or prying eyes from time to time. 

Ten seconds later she was seriously reconsidering that stance.A tall and rather remarkable-looking bloke — red hair, glasses in a style that had barely been popular when her parents were her age, an honest-to-God pinstripe suit, and had she mentioned _tall? —_ burst in, bringing the rain with him. 

“Penny?” 

The girl turned abruptly to the counter.“Actually, I’ll have a slice of the anchovy and tomato, please.” 

This did not deter Tall, Red and Vintage.“Penny, what’s going on?I’ve been trying to owl you for months —“(Was that one of those new Internet things, Audrey wondered?) — “and then I ran into Loretta outside the Ministry last week and she said you didn’t want to see me — “

“Would you like that warmed up?” Audrey asked loudly.The girl, whom she inferred was Penny, had not turned to look at her redheaded pursuant once, so Audrey decided to give her a hand in ignoring the bugger. 

“Please,” Penny replied crisply. 

As Audrey turned to stick the slice of anchovy and tomato (nasty stuff, hopefully this was just to throw Red off) in the microwave, she heard Penny hiss, “You might want to back away, Percy.Wouldn’t do for your Ministry friends to see you consorting with a halfblood, would it.” 

A moment of silence, during which Audrey did not turn around because this was just starting to get good.“Is that what this is about then?” he — Percy — finally muttered.“My _job_?Pen —“

“It’s not — for Merlin’s sake, Percy.It’s not just a job.Your employers would _literally_ like to murder people like my mother.What are you going to do when they come after her?When they come after me?” 

“But it won’t come to that, Penny.I know Scrimgeour is bowing under a bit, but I firmly believe the rule of law — “

“Yes, you believe in the rule of law more than you believe in my mother’s life, apparently.And that’s what this is about.Until you can look your own mother in the eye, _do not try to contact me again_.” 

The microwave dinged into the strained silence following that remark.Judging it as safe as it was going to get, Audrey grabbed the slice of pizza and made her way back to the awkward tableau at the counter.“That’ll be two pounds,” she said cheerfully. 

Penny passed over the money with a strained smile, then picked up her pizza and darted back out into the rain. 

Percy still hadn’t moved.He was staring at the counter, mouth half-open.If Audrey had to puta name to the expression, she would have said shocked.No, devastated.Devastatingly shocked? 

“Slice of pizza to take away?” she asked. 

That pulled him out of his funk with a snap.He blinked at her as if she were an alien.What _was_ it with people today? 

“Would you like a slice of pizza?” she asked again, more slowly.This time he shook his head. 

“Sorry, I don’t have any Mu — any money on me.” 

“On the house,” she offered.“Just this once.You look like your dog died or something.” 

“I don’t have a dog,” he said, but he allowed her to heat up a slice of sausage and mushroom for him. 

He ate it right there at the counter.“This is actually quite good,” he somehow managed to squeeze out between bites. 

Audrey had to wonder if he’d never had pizza before. 

“Well, it’s always less than two hours old.That’s the Pizza 2 Take guarantee for you.” 

She’d meant it to be ironic but he nodded very seriously, as though she were imparting wisdom.Bizarre bloke. 

“You look like something out of a black and white movie,” she said on impulse, hoping to get a laugh.“Just slap a fedora on you.Where’d you manage to find glasses like that?” 

He only blinked owlishly at her.Audrey sighed. 

“Thank you for the pizza,” he said tentatively.“But I’ll pay it back next time.” 

“Next time?”A repeat customer?Who had eaten their pizza while 100% sober? 

The corner of his mouth curled up just the slightest bit.“Yeah, reckon I’ll be back.” 

 

***

 

And indeed he was back.In fact, over the course of the next year Percy became a regular (their only evening regular, Pizza 2 Take being rather a got-a-pizza-craving-while-utterly-smashed-after-the-kitchen-closed-at-the-pub sort of place). 

He stopped by at least once a week, and Audrey had to admit she looked forward to it.She enjoyed seeing his bizarre fashion decisions.Somehow on casual days they were even worse than the pinstriped suit.He had come in one Sunday evening in honest-to-God _bell bottoms_ and a red plaid shirt that clashed in his hair and Audrey had had to bit her lip hard to keep from bursting out laughing. 

And yet, since that first dramatic encounter, they had never exchanged anything more significant than a few mundane remarks about the weather.

That all changed on a misty evening in April.She looked up from the customer she’d just served when the door opened, and smiled as she caught sight of the distinctive hair and glasses. 

“The usual?” she asked as Percy approached the counter. 

“Please.” 

Audrey had only just turned away to start heating his preferred variety when the customer she’d just served — ham and onion — said, in an undertone she was probably not intended to hear, “So my information wasn’t wrong.Fancy that.The Junior Assistant to the Minister enjoys dining in a mediocre Muggle quick-serve.” 

Well, she couldn’t begrudge him the “mediocre”. 

Percy made such an awful sound that Audrey risked a quick glance to see if he was choking.He didn’t appear to be, but his face had gone deathly pale.“Lee?” 

“The one and only.” 

Audrey spared another glance for Mr. Ham and Onion.He’d looked tired and grim when he’d come in, and his clothes were dirty and worn.Audrey had suspected he was homeless.And maybe he was — _or maybe Percy was a spy_.My information is good?Absolutely spy talk.Junior Assistant to the Minister?Code.She’d never been able to figure out who Percy might be working for and who Penny’s mother might be that his employers wanted her dead. 

Percy’s next words didn’t entirely deter her suspicions.“How — what — did something happen?My father — “

“Your family’s fine.But then, if something had happened, you would have heard already, your lot is pretty keen on catching up with Undesirables.I don’t know when you last caught up with them.George’s ear healed up and Bill’s apparently not suffering any long-term ill-effects from his run-in with Greyback.” 

“What — what happened to his ear?” 

“All in hiding now though,” Ham and Onion continued.“Even Ginny, they attacked while she was home on Easter break.” 

Percy paled further.“The Burrow?” 

Ham and Onion sighed.“Mate — “

The beeping of the microwave cut him off and Audrey scurried to grab the pizza and look more busy than eavesdrop-y. 

By the time she returned to the counter with the three slices, Ham and Onion was gone. 

“Five pounds,” she told Percy, and then, noticing that the was still pale and wide-eyed, “You alright there?” 

Nodding, he pressed the money into her hand.“Think I might… stay a moment.If that’s alright by you.” 

Audrey shrugged. 

He had his head in his hands, pizza still untouched, when she went to clear the area Ham and Onion had occupied earlier.In the midst of the half-eaten pizza and paper napkins, she found a massive gold coin. 

“What on earth?” 

Percy lifted his head the barest inch to look, then jumped out of his seat.“He must have — can I see?My, er, one of my brothers collects coins.” 

This seemed a flimsy excuse, but she passed it over.  He stared at the coin a long moment, then closed his eyes and ran his finger around the edge. 

“Must have been left by the bloke who was here earlier,” Audrey commented, keeping an eagle eye on Percy.“Reckon him for a panhandler.” 

“No, he’s — “ Percy’s eyes snapped open.“I’m familiar with him.I can return this to him if you want — “

Audrey shrugged.“Go ahead.Or keep it yourself, whatever.Maybe he meant it as a tip but we aren’t a tipping kind of establishment.” 

She hadn’t meant much by it, but suddenly Percy’s face was right in front of hers, eyes earnest as they gazed into hers, and his hand sat tentatively on her shoulder.“Thank you,” he said solemnly. 

“Oh — “ Audrey blinked, and Percy was gone faster than she’d thought possible. 

Still, it took a full day for the warmth on her shoulder to dissipate. 

 

****

 

Two weeks later, a ringing phone woke Audrey from a doze in front of the telly. 

“You know a tall guy, red hair, dorky glasses, maybe a little off his rocker?” Pam, the late-night cashier at Pizza 2 Take, demanded as soon as Audrey picked up. 

“Yeah I know him.Comes in once or twice a week around suppertime.Why?”Had Percy changed his hours?Were the spies out to get him?Audrey rubbed at her tired eyes and tried to focus. 

“He was in here not two minutes ago asking for you.” 

“For me?”Audrey’s breath caught.He wanted to see her …?“For me _by name_?” 

“Well it is on your nametag, love,” was Pam’s sarcastic reply.“Anyway, it was really weird.Said he’d hoped to see you because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to come back soon, and thanks for the coin.Just a customer, you said?I’d be triple-locking my doors and windows if I were you…” 

Audrey laughed, told Pam to sod off, and slowly lowered the phone to her lap when the other woman rang off. 

He wouldn’t be around for a while, but he wanted to say goodbye to her?He’d dropped by at — she glanced at her watch — half past eleven?What the bloody hell did that mean? 

It was, Audrey had to remind herself, highly unlikely that he was actually a spy.A spy who had fallen in love with her so hard at first sight that he’d endured a year of tasteless pizza with the consistency of cardboard for the chance at her company.A spy who couldn’t talk about more than the weather for fear of giving himself away, and who couldn’t ask her on a date for fear of making her a target, but wore ridiculous outfits because he knew she enjoyed them.A spy who had to leave on a dangerous mission from which he might not return, but knew he’d die full of regret if he didn’t see her one last time and tell her what she meant to him, and was devastated to find that she wasn’t at the only place he knew where to find her…

Audrey forced herself to drink the tea that had gone cold and bitter during her unintended nap to bring herself back to reality.Chances dorky Percy was a James Bond type, or even a Q for that matter, were close to nil.He’d mentioned the coin— he had probably discovered that it was worth quite a lot of money, wanted to thank her and let her know he could afford real pizza now. 

That must be it. 

Still… 

Still, dashing red-headed spies in horn-rimmed glasses and pinstriped suits continued to pop up in her dreams. 

 

***

 

Audrey was in her final term at uni.Soon she would be looking for real jobs and leaving Pizza 2 Take behind.The idea filled her with both anticipation and anxiety, because being a real adult in a real job sounded scary. 

…and also, a little bit, because she sometimes panicked that if she wasn’t at Pizza 2 Take a certain not-spy would never be able to find her again, if he even wanted to, if he even was still alive. 

It had been very nearly a year since the strange late-night phone call, and she’d heard nothing of him, even though she’d scanned the papers for mentions of a rare coin sale for the first few months.Probably it wasn’t a rare enough coin to merit mention in the papers, and she was definitely not far gone enough to read Coin Collectors Weekly.(She was just far gone enough to take a walk through the library and discover that Coin Collectors Weekly was something that existed.) 

In any event, most days, most weeks even, she didn’t think of Mysterious Percy or any of his mysterious, poor-taste-in-pizza friends. 

And then it happened. 

Audrey was working a Saturday lunch shift — somewhat unusual occurrence — when he came back.She had just finished cleaning the tomato sauce from the floor where a small child had somehow managed to upend an entire pizza, and was putting the mop back into the cupboard when the bell above the door tinkled.She looked up, ready to greet the new customer —

And there he was. 

Percy. 

He was wearing faded jeans and a navy blue jumper, and glasses that didn’t make him look like a runaway from the 1950s.She thought his hair was different, although she never could have told you how.He looked more than just one year older than the last time she’d seen him — _but it was him_. 

He glanced at her with a smile.She realized her own mouth was hanging open and quickly rearranged it. 

“That’s new since the last time I was here,” he said, indicating the bell above the door.“I’m sorry, I’m sure you don’t remember me.I used to come in here quite often for a while —“

“Of course I remember you,” she managed finally.“Sausage and mushroom.” 

He grinned, and a dimple appeared.A dimple!“I’m so glad I made an impression.That will make this a little less awkward.Although, I’m sure it will still be —“ 

“Why did you stop coming by?”The question was out before she’d fully formed the thought, andshe slapped a hand over her mouth in embarrassment at her own rudeness.“I’m so sorry, it’s none of my business.You were saying?” 

Percy suddenly looked very tired.“That’s a very long story.I’ll tell it to you if you want, but not here or now.Will you have — “

The stupid bloody bell above the door interrupted what she _seriously_ hoped had been the start of “have dinner with me”.Cognizant that this was, really, her job, Audrey cast a glance at the newcomer, then did a double-take as a man even taller and with even brighter red hair than Percy came over to stand next to him. 

“Oh good, I’m starving.Pizza any good here, Perce?” 

“No, it’s awful,” Percy answered immediately, and then stopped with an embarrassed glance at Audrey.“Oh, I’m so sorry!That is…” 

His ears were bright red.Audrey threw her head back and laughed.She’d _known_ no one could like the pizza here that much. 

“Oh, I know the pizza’s awful, never eat it myself,” she said cheerfully.“The question is, why’d _you_ keep on coming in here so often?” 

The flush had spread to his cheeks.“Very convenient, you know, on the way home from work, and I’m rotten in the kitchen…” 

The other man let out a guffaw.“Right Perce, that’s the only reason.Hello, there.”He stuck his hand out for Audrey to shake, and she took it cautiously.“I’m Charlie, Percy's older and fitter brother.” 

Percy made a choking sound.Audrey just said, “Hmm.” 

The bell went off again, and wouldn’t you know it, a third brilliantly red-haired man came in. 

“That’s where you lot got to.I was starting to think I — well, _hello_.” 

The newest one elbowed Charlie out of the way and executed a bow.“George Weasley at your service.Hero, small business owner, entertainer of small children, possessor of mysterious tragic past, et cetera.Dashing rapscallion younger brother to these two.Enchanted to make your acquaintance, Ms. — er —blank name tag.” 

Jonny had apparently come round from the kitchen to deliver the fresh pizzas during this exchange, because Audrey could hear him chuckle behind her.“Blimey, this is better than an episode of Corrie.Go on then, Aud, you’re supposed to pick one of ‘em.” 

“Shut it, Jonny, I’m having a moment.” 

He laughed his way back to the kitchen, and Audrey smiled at the three very attractive men in front of her.“Well, gents, I’m on shift until three, and unfortunately this area is reserved for customers only… I don’t suppose I can interest any of you in a salami and olive pizza straight from the oven?” 

“Audrey,” Percy began, and he’d _remembered her name_.Almost a whole year, and he’d remembered.She beamed at him and he apparently lost whatever else he’d been about to say. 

“Sausage and mushroom for you, I presume,” she said, taking pity on him. 

He nodded.The others declined.“Well, shoo then,” she said, making a sweeping gesture.“Outside.Paying customers only in here.” 

Percy waited until they were outside before he began again.“I’m sorry about them.Audrey, would — that is, are you —er — I mean — “

He was so adorable.His ears were red again, and his hands fidgeted with his billfold.Audrey felt her heart swell three sizes. 

“I’m out of here at three.Can you be back here then?” 

He stared at her a moment, then nodded.  “I can do that.” 

Giving into temptation, she reached out to touch one of the red streaks that had spread onto his cheeks.“Looking forward to it.” 


	2. The Slytherin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is all rather sickening, isn’t it.” 
> 
> “I am quite sure,” Percy told the daughter of a Death Eater who would be very happy to murder Percy’s own family, “that it was simply something I ate.” 
> 
> Audrey gave another skeptical tsk. “Pity. Maybe you are just like them after all, Weasley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little darker than the last. It takes place during the events of Deathly Hallows, while Percy is working at the Ministry, so as you may imagine, content notes for references to murder, torture, and general hatred and bigotry. Never fear, another light-hearted scenario coming up next!

Percy locked the door behind him with shaking hands and made a desperate grab for the sink.In the mirror he caught a fleeting look at his greenish face, stark against the red of his hair and totally out of place in the tastefully decorated toilet.Moaning, he shut his eyes.  

Merlin, he wished he could unhear that conversation.He’d known that there were Death Eaters in the Ministry — had known, in fact, that Yaxley was one of them — but that intellectual knowledge was a far cry from hearing exactly what Yaxley thought of, exactly what Yaxley enjoyed to _do to_ Muggles. 

Not to mention the amused response of Timothy Arncliffe, whom Percy would never have pegged for a bigot.  

Coming to the Minister’s Christmas party had been a hideous mistake.  

Gripping the sink and taking deep breaths, Percy focused on keeping his figgy pudding down.If he got his insides under enough control that he could safely Apparate home, he could find Thicknesse, explain he’d eaten something that disagreed with him, and make his escape.And then do his best to never encounter anyone from work in a social setting ever again.  

Another wave of nausea rose when it occurred to him that attending these events, not letting anyone see his disgust, was exactly what was keeping him safe, might even be helping to keep his family safe.  

“Merlin,” he grunted, letting go of his death grip on the porcelain to turn the tap and splash cold water on his face. 

“It _is_ all rather sickening, isn’t it.” 

Assuming the comment came from the mirror, Percy glanced up — and froze. 

There was a woman in the toilet with him. 

In the mirror he could see her leaning casually against a Louis XIV vanity he hadn’t spotted in his mad dash to the sink, idly rolling a tube of lipstick between her fingers, and watching him with a slight smirk.Even if he hadn’t known her immediately, hadn’t spent two years being vaguely annoyed at her during Prefects meetings, her dress robes would have proclaimed her proudly Slytherin — emerald silk peeking through black lace, an elegant silver band just below her bust drawing his gaze like a Summoning charm… 

“I’m so sorry, Miss Avery, I had no idea this toilet was occupied.I’ll leave you.” 

He’d already started backing toward the door.Audrey Avery followed. 

“I was only powdering my nose.I would have screamed if you’d interrupted anything sensitive.” 

Audrey didn’t stop advancing.Percy’s back hit the wall with a thud, and he was trapped. 

“I spend a lot of time powdering my nose at these sorts of events,” Audrey continued.She’d finally stopped about a foot away from him, which he deemed a bit too close for comfort but acceptable for now.At any rate, she’d distracted his stomach from whatever had been doing Seeker drills inside it. 

“Well — it’s —er — a very nice nose,” Percy said when it appeared she was waiting for some kind of reply.  

An arched brow was her only response to that comment.“As I said, I spend a lot of time powdering my nose.Convenient excuse not to have to spend time with that lot out there.And this is the first time I’ve seen anyone else duck into the toilet to avoid them.” 

“I was unwell,” he refuted immediately.“I think I ate something that disagreed with me.” 

“Of course.It was something you ate that disagreed with you, and definitely not something you heard.Your running in here didn’t at all coincide with one of Yaxley’s gory tales.”She clucked her tongue.“Such poor taste, talking of such things after dinner.It’d set anyone with a delicate constitution right off.” 

“I am _quite sure_ ,” Percy told the daughter of a Death Eater who would be very happy to murder Percy’s own family, “that it was simply something I ate.”  

Audrey gave another skeptical _tsk_.“Pity.I wouldn’t like to think that you could listen to someone talking about treating a dog that way without getting a bit nauseated, never mind a human.Maybe you are just like them after all, Weasley.” 

“I am absolutely not — “ Percy caught himself as his political training won out over his Gryffindor morality.“I didn’t hear anything Yaxley may or may not have said, so I _assure_ you, whatever turned my stomach, it must have been something I ate.” 

Finally, she turned around, walked back toward the vanity.“Too bad,” she said, and if he hadn’t seen her cocky face ten seconds before, he would have thought she sounded disappointed.Frustrated.Damned if that didn’t make his Gryffindor instincts kick in again. 

He escaped before he could do anything foolish. 

* * *

Percy returned to his cubicle outside the Minister for Magic’s office after the holidays to find the filing clerk’s desk across the aisle had been cleared out. 

This was not a particularly unusual occurrence since Thicknesse’s rise to power.What gave Percy pause was not the abrupt departure of the bumbling middle-aged witch, but the identity of the much younger witch who followed Amaranth from Magical Resources into the room just as Percy settled into his desk with his first cup of tea.  

“Mr. Weasley, are you acquainted with Miss Avery?” 

Percy spat a mouthful of tea onto half-completed memo. 

“Oh dear,” said Amaranth, looking harried, “I didn’t mean to startle you.This is Miss Avery.Minister Thicknesse felt that it would be best if his staff included someone with her, ah, level of loyalty.” 

Translation: someone from a family of Death Eaters. 

“We are acquainted,” Percy managed.“We were at Hogwarts together.”  

But they’d moved past him.Through the suddenly very noisy pounding of his heart, he could hear Amaranth showing Audrey her desk, the tea things, the file room.Audrey, he gathered, had previously worked as a filing clerk in the Department of Magical Creatures, understood the specific Summoning and Banishing spells used for Ministry documents.But she’d preferred to stay at home with all this “nasty magic-stealing business” going on, until her father had persuaded her to fill in at the Minister’s office when it was shorthanded. 

Trying not to hyperventilate, Percy began to put the pieces together.With most of his family labelled Undesirables, the others under suspicion, his own loyalty to the Minister must be in question.Maybe Audrey had been sent to find him at the party to flirt his true colours out of him — but no, she had already been in the toilet when he’d arrived.She could hardly have predicted that he’d run in there heaving.Maybe she was the one who had raised the idea with You-Know-Who’s inner circle, volunteered to come back to work to keep an eye on him.If Thicknesse felt he needed ‘someone of her level of loyalty’ on his staff… 

Audrey made no attempts to speak to him that day, did not seem to be attempting to observe him.When they ran into each other getting a cup of tea, they nodded distantly, as old Hogwarts schoolmates who hadn’t even been in the same year or House.But even though she’d done nothing out of the ordinary yet, just knowing she was across the aisle gave Percy a distinct sense of unease.He did his best to be in meetings in the Minister’s office, where Audrey would not be permitted. 

This state of affairs continued almost two weeks.Then it got abruptly more strange. 

Percy liked to spend Saturday morning at the Ministry, and sometimes Saturday afternoon as well now that he had no social life to speak of.But this Saturday, even knowing that he had the office to himself, without Audrey Avery listening to the scratch of his quill from across the aisle, Percy couldn’t force himself to concentrate.He made himself stay almost until noon regardless, and then walked home through the grey streets of London in the hopes that he could shake off a sense of restlessness. 

Audrey still hadn’t attempted to speak to him about his allegiances, but it had occurred to him that maybe she was only waiting for him to slip.Well, she wouldn’t get him that way, he resolved.He’d been very careful about airing his own opinions even before it had become undeniable that You-Know-Who was back — Percy was a young man with political ambitions, and it didn’t do to have politicians who were too set in their own ways of thinking.Now that he knew Audrey was about, he would just have to pay even closer attention — 

He’d reached the building that housed his flat, and when a young woman in Muggle clothing who looked very much like Audrey came down the steps he at first assumed he was projecting because she had been so much on his mind.  

And then she caught sight of him and her eyes widened. 

They stood on the pavement a moment, staring at each other.Percy found his voice first.“Miss Avery?What brings you to this neighbourhood?”  

Her tongue flicked out to moisten her lips, and Percy made himself stare at the Muggle hat on her head.  

“I live here,” she said eventually. 

Percy’s heart started pounding again.“You live here?” 

She nodded, eyes darting to the side. 

“That’s very interesting,” Percy managed, “considering I’ve lived here for nearly three years and never seen you here before today.”  

“It’s a very recent development.”Audrey shifted her weight and pulled her coat tighter around herself.  

That action gave Percy pause.This wasn’t the same Audrey Avery who’d backed him up against a wall in Pius Thicknesse’s upstairs toilet.She’d looked confident then, arrogant even, and now she seemed nervous and unsure.Another ploy to get him to tell her all his secrets?Use the appearance of vulnerability to prey on his chivalrous Gryffindor side?Or did he really have the upper hand now? 

“I get the distinct impression, Miss Avery, that you’re following me.”  

Audrey rolled her eyes.“Oh, for Merlin’s sake.We’ve known each other for, what, seven years?I think you can safely call me Audrey by now.” 

“As we are both colleagues and neighbours, that does seem appropriate.And I hope you’re not offended if I make a conjecture, that it seems very possible that the fact that we are suddenly both colleagues and neighbours is deliberate, and related to the Undesirable elements in my family tree.” 

“I am not the least bit offended, Percy,” Audrey said, meeting his eyes again and seeming to draw herself back up to her usual arrogant stature.“You may be from the Gryffindoriest family since Godric himself, but _I_ am a Slytherin and in these dangerous times it makes sense from a self-preservation perspective to find someone with a Gryffindor protective streak and keep him very close by in case one finds oneself in need of protection.” 

On this closing salvo, she tossed her hair, stuck her nose in the air, and stalked haughtily away. 

Percy found himself staring at her retreating figure.He wanted to believe her — that was the kicker.He _did_ want to believe that she was just as much trapped in the feverish mayhem of You-Know-Who’s rise to power as he was, that maybe she’d been frightened and lonely without a true ally.But the longer he was trapped at a corrupt Ministry, the more his illusions about the basic nature of humanity fell away.So many people, people who ordinarily seemed reasonable, who didn’t appear to be filled with hate, were just waiting for permission to let their true, awful thoughts out. 

So he would continue to be careful.  

* * *

 At five minutes past six o’clock on the first day of May, Percy put down his quill and stretched.  “I think it’s quitting time for me,” he called across the aisle to Audrey.  “Are you coming?” 

Almost four months spent in close proximity had produced a certain neutral companionship between them.It helped that when Percy’s entire immediate family had been labelled Undesirables and gone into hiding, he had found himself safe.He’d been careful, but if Audrey had gone to Thicknesse with any suspicions he had no doubt he would be in Azkaban by now. 

As his friends and family had stopped speaking to him when it became clear he was sticking it out with the current administration, Percy had gotten used to being alone.Now, even though they didn’t speak very often and never about anything of great importance, Audrey was there in that space that had previously been painful emptiness.Not quite a friend, not even quite an ally but — someone.Someone who would notice if he didn’t show up to work in the morning.Someone who might even care if he disappeared.  

“I need five more minutes, I think.Wait for me?”  

Percy shrugged, picked up the brief he’d just finished to proofread — and the world exploded. 

His wand arm was up before he’d fully processed the threat. 

“PROTEGO!” he bellowed, seeing Yaxley advance through the smoke.Percy’s desk was on fire — his entire cubicle was on fire.He didn’t dare drop his protection spell to put it out, not with the murderous look in Yaxley’s eyes. 

“Where are they?” Yaxley demanded, reaching through the flames to grab the collar of Percy’s robes.“Where ARE THEY?”  

“What are you doing?Where’s who?”Percy tried to struggle out of Yaxley’s grip with little success. 

“Your idiot brother,” the Death Eater snarled.“And his little friends, and the _fucking dragon_.” 

“My — Charlie?Is he not in Romania?” 

Yaxley growled and raised his wand.This time, Percy was quicker.He threw the first jinx that came to mind, and Yaxley dropped his wand as he started dripping sea slime.  

“What — ?”  

The Death Eater was slowly turning into a sea slug.Too slowly.Percy Stupefied him, still mostly human but slimy and melting around the edges. 

“Badly done,” Percy muttered.“Not a slug next time.” 

Two more Death Eaters were right on his heels.Before Percy had fully recovered from Transfiguring Yaxley, he found himself duelling them both at the same time. 

He’d never done anything like this.It was all he could do to listen to his instincts, blocking, counter-cursing, ducking.He managed to fell the first one with a body-bind, and the second man intensified his attack.Curses ricocheted around the room, breaking teacups, Transfiguring table legs.After what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, Percy’s final opponent appeared to run out of breath.While he was taking a moment to collect himself, Percy hit him with a good old Bat-Bogey Hex.  

_Thank you, Ginny._

Heart racing, Percy ran to the file room, intent on getting away before the Death Eaters recovered. 

“Percy?” 

He swivelled in the doorway to see Audrey emerging from underneath her desk, shaken and smoke-smudged.  

“There will be more of them,” she gasped, getting to her feet.“If Yaxley’s here — oh, he’s one of the worst of them.But now that all three are down they’ll send a dozen at least.I’m so sorry, I tried to Confound him but I don’t know if any of my spells landed.Percy — “

Making a split-second decision, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the file room with him, slamming and locking the door behind them. 

“You stayed.You Confounded them.Why?”  

He didn’t wait for her answer.He was already running over to the far wall, to the cabinet labelled “Past regulations 42-11: on Appraising Magical Dwellings for Taxation Purposes.”Audrey followed behind, voice rough from the smoke and strained from panic. 

“I’ve tried to tell you in every subtle way I can but I suppose I’ll have to come and say it right out.I’m _not on their side_.I don’t believe that Muggle-borns stole magic from wizards and I don’t believe Muggles are subhuman and I _certainly do not believe in a dictatorship_.My father is a Death Eater, like the fathers of all the friends I ever had growing up, but I’ve never been under You-Know-Who’s thumb and _I’m alone in that_.Can’t you see — what are you doing?”   

In the very back of the drawer, behind the files on sixteenth century window tax regulations struck down in the eighteenth century, Percy found what he was looking for — a simple metal box.He pulled it out and slammed the drawer shut again.It seemed reinforcements had arrived — he could hear them trying to spell the door open. 

“We only have seconds,” he said to the frantic woman beside him.“Do you trust me?” 

 She threw him what would have been a dirty look if she hadn’t been recently traumatized.“Don’t be ridiculous, of _course_ I trust you.” 

Wrapping his arm around Audrey, Percy opened the box and laid a finger on the Muggle paper clip holding two documents together.The world squeezed around them.  

* * *

“Emergency portkey,” Audrey grunted from underneath him.  “Smart.” 

They’d landed in a heap on his kitchen floor.If he’d been less panicked, Percy might have enjoyed the proximity.He had been alone for a long time, after all.As it was, he hauled himself to his feet and paced over to the window. 

“My flat is the next place they’ll look for me.I have to go.” 

Audrey stood, took his hand.“My flat.It’s two floors down.They don’t know it’s mine, and if they don’t find you in your place they won’t look for you elsewhere in the building, they’ll assume you’ve run farther away.” 

“Brilliant,” Percy said, letting her pull him along in her wake.  

They’d only just made it to Audrey’s door when Percy could hear the distinctive sound of Apparitions above.Audrey let them both in and slammed the door, locking its Muggle locks as Percy threw down as many protection spells as he knew.Finally, they both collapsed against the door, breathing heavily. 

“Are you alright?” Audrey finally asked.“I mean — “

“I wasn’t hit.Physically, I’m fine.” 

But he didn’t complain when she ran her hands down his arms and over his chest to check.He had his own hands on her shoulders, on her face, wiping away the soot marks, feeling with his own senses that she was whole and healthy.And then her lips were right there, and her eyes were wide, and he was kissing her.Or she was kissing him. 

The adrenaline was still pumping.That was the only excuse he had.Percy pressed Audrey against her own front door and kissed her with the fervour and intensity of a double duel.She ran her hands up and down his back, pulling him closer, greedy and demanding. 

A long time later, or maybe it was no time at all, they finally sank to the floor, gasping and sweating and spent.Percy found himself chuckling.“I never thought I was a ‘desperate fuck against the wall’ type, but I guess near-death experiences can do strange things to a bloke.” 

“You did _not_ nearly die.Don’t say things like that,” Audrey admonished, more sharply than he would have expected.“I’m not even going to think it.You clearly outmatched any of those Death Eaters in a fair fight and since they ganged up on you, I had to be your secret weapon.” 

Percy dropped a kiss on the top of her head. 

“I’m so glad,” Audrey continued a little more calmly several minutes later, “that I was right about you.”  

“Fairly obvious that I was a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors protect people.” 

“No, I mean.”She brushed her fingers over his cheekbones.“I know you lot like to think you’re invincible and incorruptible.But do you really think there are no Gryffindors among the lower-level followers of the Dark Lord?Look at you, Percy.Your family is just as Gryffindor as you and yet you’ve ended up in different places.Even if you put that much store in the stereotypes.Gryffindors protect people, but that depends a lot on who you consider ‘people’ and what you believe is the best way to ‘protect’ them.” 

Percy sighed, buried his face in her neck.“Nothing is ever easy, is it?” 

Audrey laughed.“Come on, Gryffindor.We need to get up and figure out what’s happening next.You can have your existential crisis later.” 

They’d managed to clean themselves up and have a bite to eat and were just considering their next move when a Patronus appeared in the middle of the kitchen.Aberforth Dumbledore’s voice told Percy to get his arse to Hogwarts as soon as possible if he hoped to reunite with his family and, oh yes, also defeat He Who Must Not Be Named.“Get a move on, boy,” the silvery apparition concluded before it faded into mist. 

After a stunned silence, Percy and Audrey shared a look. 

“Go,” said Audrey.“You need to be there, with your family.And if you can defeat him…”

“Will you come?” 

She shook her head.“I’d be no good in a fight.Besides, how many of your friends will really believe that the daughter of a Death Eater wants to fight them?” 

He couldn’t argue with her rationale, and a part of him felt better knowing she’d be out of the line of fire.Percy double-checked his appearance and his wand, then gave Audrey one last, lingering kiss. 

“If I don’t make it back — “

“Don’t even say that.How preposterous.Of _course_ you’ll make it back, I’ll kill you if you don’t,” Audrey whispered fiercely. 

Percy found himself smiling.“Of course.Will I find you here?” 

“Depending on how long it takes — I may be somewhere else.But I will make myself findable.Maybe I’ll find you.Don’t worry, Percy — this isn’t over.” 

And with that sweet promise in his ears, Percy Apparated into chaos. 


	3. The Muggle Prime Minister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I — “ a grandiose gesture — “am Percival Ignatius Weasley, Minister for Magic.” 
> 
> “Indeed,” Audrey said. “Give me one moment to fetch my security team.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I started writing this before Brexit and all so... maybe a touch AU to real life now, but shhhhh.

_Downing Street, 2020_

Audrey Selwyck poured herself two fingers of scotch and settled back into the buttery leather of her brand-new desk chair.When her predecessor had informed her of this secretive appointment, he’d clearly been uncomfortable.But Audrey was the first female Prime Minister in decades, and at 38, the youngest in centuries.There was nothing she couldn’t handle.Even what she expected would be a bizarre hazing ritual. 

The scotch was armour.  When she was done here she’d retire to the private rooms with a glass of wine, but it lacked the aura of power, of masculinity, that she needed to get through this meeting. 

Whatever Audrey had been expecting, it wasn’t what happened when the clock ticked past eleven. 

She was glancing at the portraits of former prime ministers, enjoying the cackle of the fire in her own personal office fireplace as she contemplated her place in the history of 10 Downing Street, when suddenly the portrait in the corner _moved_. 

Blinking, Audrey set her scotch down with a thud.She’d only had a sip, so it couldn’t be the drink affecting her.Maybe it was something in her eye? 

But then portrait of the bewigged, toady gentleman let out a discreet cough. 

“Is this a practical joke?” Audrey said suspiciously.She should have known she was being set up… _Make sure to be alone in your office at eleven and brace yourself_ indeed… 

“I assure you,” said the portrait, “it is not.The Minister for Magic would like to make your acquaintance.” 

“The Minister for — oh, it absolutely _is_ a practical joke.Go on then, send him in.” 

Audrey settled back into her seat again.There, as she’d suspected all along.Bizarre hazing ritual.Try to make the new, young, female Prime Minister look and feel foolish.Well, she was much more difficult to discompose than they might expect. 

The portrait in the corner sighed.“It absolutely is not a practical joke.Do you think you’re the first Prime Minister I’ve had to explain this to?Regardless.The Minister for Magic is arriving.” 

A crackle caught Audrey’s attention, and she turned in her chair to see the fire she’d been letting slowly die out burst suddenly back into life.The flames burned bright green.As she gaped, a tall figure walked out of the fire and brushed some stray ash off his shoulder. 

This no longer seemed like a practical joke.This seemed like Audrey had gone entirely out of her mind. 

The man who had emerged from the hearth was tall and distinguished-looking, probably in his early forties, with bright red hair greying at the temple, and wearing heavy glasses and what looked like barrister’s robes. 

He straightened his robes and turned to her.“Ah, Prime Minister.I hope you don’t — “

Catching her eye, he stopped and blinked.Audrey realized her mouth was hanging open and snapped it shut, adopting a pinched expression.The portrait looked smug. 

“Ah, that is.You… _are_ the Prime Minister?” 

Nothing could have brought Audrey back to herself faster.Standing, she buttoned her perfectly-tailored jacket and said shortly, “I am.The correct address, I believe, would be ‘The Right Honourable Audrey Selwyck, MP, PC, EC’.Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.And who exactly are you?” 

The man executed a bow.Unusual.Excessive. “My apologies, Prime Minister.You’re not what I expected.Very different from the last one.” 

“Indeed.” 

“I — “ another grandiose gesture — “am Percival Ignatius Weasley, Minister for Magic.” 

“Indeed,” Audrey said again.“Give me one moment to fetch my security team.” 

She went to pick up her mobile, and found she couldn’t move. 

“Apologies,” said the man having grandiose delusions.“I’m going about this entirely wrong.You are, however, currently under a Body-Bind Jinx.” 

He waved a stick he produced from his pocket, and Audrey slumped.“What the — “

“Let’s start over.As the Prime Minister, you are of course entitled to the knowledge of certain… secrets.One of these is the existence of magic.Magical people — witches and wizards — have been living in small magical communities for centuries, entirely in secret to prevent persecution from non-magical persons.Our existence from you is hidden by our magic, among other things.But I am the currently elected political leader of the magical community in Great Britain, the Minister for Magic.If there ever needs to be communication between our two governments, we will liaise.” 

If she hadn’t felt the… the _jinx_ just now, she would have laughed in his face.Audrey felt a discomfiting uneasiness in her stomach and identified it as nerves.Well, _that_ was unacceptable.She hadn’t been nervous in years. 

“Pardon my disbelief, sir.Are you suggesting that there are enough people living in secret hiding throughout the United Kingdom to have elected their own government, yet despite this you have somehow managed to remain undetected by our government?” 

The other minister blinked owlishly behind his glasses.“I’m not sure that you fully understand the scope and power of magic, Prime Minister.However, I wouldn’t say that witches and wizards are ‘undetected’ by your government.Many of us have birth certificates, medical records, tax returns even.However, if you were to look too closely at one, you might find you suddenly remember that you left the oven on.Or you might be suddenly stricken by an urgent need for a bathroom.” 

“Convenient.‘These are not the droids you’re looking for’,” Audrey muttered. 

“Droids?” asked the other minister. 

She waved him off.“A quote from Star Wars.” 

“Wars in the _stars_?” 

He sounded alarmed now.It was Audrey’s turn to blink. 

“Yes.Star Wars.The classic movie series?” 

The other minister visibly relaxed.“Ah, movies.Yes, I’ve heard of those.One of my sisters-in-law is a Muggle-born — that is, was born into a non-magical family — and she explained the concept.” 

_Ah, movies.Yes, I’ve heard of those._

Audrey had been standing so as to better face down the intruder, but now she sat heavily. 

_Movies.Oh yes, my weird sister-in-law explained that to me._

The evidence was stacking up further and further that he might just be telling the truth. 

Audrey drained her scotch. 

While she’d been having her minor existential crisis, the other minister had taken the seat across from her and now cast a meaningful glance at her decanter.She poured him a glass and refilled her own, then sat back and contemplated him. 

If she had ever believed in wizards, she would have imagined them like Gandalf the Grey — elderly, bearded men, stooped with the weight of the knowledge and power they carried.The Minister for Magic just looked like any other ambitious politician.He couldn’t be many years older than herself.She wondered if that was common in the magical world or if he’d worked for his ascent as hard as she’d worked for hers. 

“Quite nice,” he said, after a sip of the scotch.“Partial to firewhisky myself, but variety, as they say, is the spice of life.” 

Firewhisky.Of course. 

“Mr. — I’m sorry, I’ve quite forgotten your name.” 

He waved this potentially insulting comment off.  “Well, I have rather surprised you with a lot of new information.  Percy Weasley, Minister for Magic, at your service.” 

“Mr. Weasley,” she began again, thinking the name suited the man.“You said your sister-in-law was born into a normal family.How does that work?” 

Weasley was content to talk bloodlines.Muggle-born, Pureblood, Halfblood, the International Statute of Secrecy and how carefully disclosure had to be negotiated.Audrey was beginning to appreciate the reality of the situation more and more.Outdated legislation and slow-moving bureaucracy?No one would make _that_ up when imagining a magical world. 

Jesus.She’d been Prime Minister for less than a day and already she was calmly accepting the existence of a magical world.Maybe at tomorrow morning’s briefing she’d learn the real truth about aliens… or maybe the Americans were jealously guarding that particular knowledge. 

She could just feel a headache coming on. 

Weasley abruptly stopped his long-winded explanation of some sort of failed policy early in his career during which everyone had been forced to register their blood status and wand type (wand type!).“Oh, I say, Prime Minister.Are you alright?” 

“It has,” she admitted, pinching the bridge of her nose, “been a very long and eventful day.” 

It occurred to her that she never would have admitted even this much weakness to one of her own male colleagues.Anyone who knew enough about politicking to understand her problems was someone who could use them against her.But there wasn’t much point in jockeying for power against someone who was playing on an entirely different pitch, was there?Plus no chance of losing face publicly when the public couldn’t know he existed.Percy Weasley, Minister for Magic, might just be the best candidate for a confidante she’d ever met. 

“I understand that this is a lot of information to take in at the end of your first day in office,” he said, rather patronizingly she thought.Audrey raised a single eyebrow and stared at him until he deflated.Was that a touch of red at his ears? 

“That is to say,” he tried again.“In the past, the Minister for Magic would brief the Prime Minister on their first day in office, then only make contact again for matters of great urgency.But after the events of — well, that is, hm — in recent years we’ve found it works better to have regular meetings, discuss what might be happening in one of our worlds that might affect the other.I can resume the briefing next time, no need to absorb everything tonight.” 

Percy stood and headed back to the fireplace without waiting for a response.Like a good hostess, Audrey followed to see him… out? 

They shook hands formally, and then Percy reached into the pocket if his barrister’s robes (she would really have to ask him about the clothing issue next time) for something that looked a bit like a sugar packet. 

“Well, I’ll be seeing you again,” he said as he ripped open the packet and emptied some powder into his hand.“Shall we say quarterly?” 

She waited until he’d tossed the powder into the flames before responding.“Looking forward to it.And… better make it monthly.” 

This time his blush was unmistakeable against the bright green flames. 


	4. The French In-Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After several years of being Fleur’s brother-in-law, he thought he’d become immune to Veela charms...

The light breeze coming up from the sea blew back the woman’s long black hair, rustled her pastel skirt.She lifted her head and smiled, as though welcoming the sensation.  Joy added a glow to her clear brown skin. 

Percy dropped the box in his arms. 

After several years of being Fleur’s brother-in-law, he thought he’d become immune to Veela charms.And this woman looked like she had even less Veela in her than Fleur — her colouring, her features, seemed too human, her movements graceful but lacking the ethereal quality of Fleur’s.  

Belatedly, Percy realized he was staring, his jaw totally slack.  (The French term, a totally unhelpful part of his brain reminded him, would be  _bouche bée._ )  To cover he scrambled for the box he’d dropped — a gift for Bill and Fleur’s new baby.Fortunately, not a breakable one.He’d done a great deal of research on what was and wasn’t safe for newborns and anything that involved glass would be right out. 

The woman had reached him by now.“Hello,” she said with a polite smile that somehow made his stomach turn inside out.“I’m Audrey, Fleur’s cousin.And you must be one of Bill’s brothers?” 

Her voice was low and gentle, slightly musical.And her eyes were directly on his.For a long moment Percy couldn’t manage much more than “ah — bah — er — wh —.“Audrey looked amused.  (His most coherent thought was that the French would call it  _balbutier_...)

Finally, regaining some presence of mind, he dragged his gaze away and stared fixedly at the present for baby Victoire.“Ahem, yes.Please to meet you, I’m Percy.” 

“Ah, Percy!Yes, I have heard a little about you from Fleur.You are the ambitious one.” 

“Oh — I —er — uh, thank you?Mademoiselle?” 

She laughed.“Oh, please call me simply Audrey.I get ‘madame’ all year long from my students.”  

“Do you teach, eh, hmmm, Beauxbatons, then?” Percy managed.  

“Yes, although I am only a junior professor — in the social studies department.” 

“Social studies department?” 

Percy was feeling a little more on solid ground now that the conversation seemed to be flowing.He even risked another glance at her face, and then was so dumbstruck he had to concentrate very hard to bring his mind back round into listening her response.  _Bouleversé..._

“Indeed.The social studies department includes History of Magic, Muggle Studies, Inter-Species Relations, Wizarding Governance, and the like… but I understand that we are a bit more advanced with our pedagogies than you are here, yes?” 

“Yes — that is — well, we definitely didn’t have courses on wizarding governance, and inter-species relations were only taught as part of History of Magic, but I can absolutely see how much our education would be improved by studying such subjects…”  

*** 

Inside Shell Cottage, a cranky Victoire had just been put down for a nap by her parents. 

“Party’s still going full swing out there,” commented Bill, glancing out the window.“And — wait, what’s going on with Percy?” 

Fleur dropped the stuffed dragon she’d been holding and hurried over.Outside, her cousin Audrey was seemingly engaged in a fascinating conversation with Percy. Percy, for his part, looked part bamboozled, part besotted, and generally at a loss for words.Fleur could feel a grin spreading across her own face. 

“I thought Audrey was from the non-Veela side of your family,” Bill said, a touch accusingly. 

At that Fleur had to laugh.“Oh, she is.” 

“Then why does Percy look like he’s been hit with a Confundus?”  

“Some things, mon amour, are stronger than magic…”  

And, hand-in-hand, they went back out to mingle with their guests and needle their lovestruck relations. 


	5. The Marriage of Convenience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The one thing,” he said slowly, “that would really solidify your case, that would make them much less likely to even bring you in for questioning, let alone send you to Azkaban, would be… would be if you strengthened ties with the wizarding community. Made an alliance into a Pureblood family, above reproach, with the favour of the Ministry.” 
> 
> There was a pause as Percy tried to put the next part of his idea into words that would make sense. But Audrey beat him to it. 
> 
> “Make an alliance… Pureblood, above reproach, favour of the Ministry,” she repeated, sitting up straight and counting the points off on her fingers. “That’s — Percy, I’m very sorry if I’ve got your logic wrong, but are you asking me to marry you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this one is a bit of a monster. 
> 
> This incarnation of Audrey is a midwife, so please note that there are references to pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, and (a little bit) abortion. Also reference to canon character deaths.

It had been a trying day.  Another round of hearings.  Monitoring Thicknesse’s increasingly bizarre behaviour.  Seeing his youngest brother’s best friend, yet again, as Undesirable Number One.  Percy had felt his facade begin to crack at half past four and, pleading a nasty headache, retreated from the Ministry.  All he wanted, at the moment, was to crawl into bed and pull the covers over his head.  Under his blankets no one would know if he was angry, or sad, or scared, or just damn tired. 

On the street outside his flat, he ran into the pretty young witch who ran the midwifery practice on the ground floor. 

“Percy!You’re out of the office early.Mrs. Davies came by earlier with some scones and I dropped some in front of your door.” 

“Thanks, Audrey.You’re a marvel.And how’s Mrs. Davies?” 

Percy meant the compliment genuinely.Audrey had been friendly and kind since he’d let the flat above her office.Happy new or expecting mothers brought her baked goods far oftener than he would have expected, and she always offered to share.He imagined business was suffering in these dark and dangerous times, but babies happened whether you wanted them or not and better a friendly visit from a trusted midwife than making the trek to the decidedly more closely-monitored St. Mungo’s. 

Audrey flashed a brilliant smile.“Oh, Mrs. Davies is the marvel, not me!I’d not be spending my time baking if I was carrying twins.She’s doing much better now, we’ve finally settled on the right potion for her blood pressure.” 

“Good to hear.Thank her for the scones for me.” 

“Will do.Have a lovely evening!” 

She sauntered down the street with a wave, and Percy continued up to his flat a little less desperate than he’d felt before running into her.Audrey always seemed to have that effect on him.Maybe it was the force of her optimistic and good-natured attitude, or maybe it was just the affirmation that there were good people in the world who knew him and didn’t hate him. 

At any rate, Percy managed to eat all three scones before burrowing under his quilt and away from the world. 

***

A month later, Percy arrived home to find Audrey sitting outside the door to his flat. 

This on its own was an unusual enough occurrence, but Percy stopped dead when he was close enough to clearly see her red, swollen, tear-stained face. 

“Audrey, what happened?” 

At the sound of his voice, Audrey sprang to her feet.“Percy!Oh, perfect.I was hoping to speak to you.I have chocolate biscuits!” 

She was trying to smile but it did nothing to hide the fact that she’d so recently been crying.Percy knew better than to push.If she didn’t want to tell him, nothing he could say would make her do it.Instead, he silently unlocked and opened his door and waved her in. 

As soon as he locked the door again behind him, Audrey dropped the tin of biscuits on the kitchen table.  The sound echoed in his tiny flat. 

“Say… Percy… you’re rather highly placed at the Ministry, aren’t you?”Her voice sounded strangled, but she was facing away from him.He could only guess at what she was thinking. 

“You could say that,” he replied neutrally. 

“And… have you been involved with any of the… hearings, or trials, of Muggle-borns?” 

Oh.Oh, no. 

“Some of them.” 

“Do you think… that is.Do you know how far back they go, when they check the family tree?” 

A note of desperation had crept into her voice.He closed his eyes, praying this was the answer she needed. 

“I’ve seen them go back centuries.” 

Silence. 

After a moment, Percy opened his eyes.Across the kitchen Audrey’s shoulders were shaking.He was halfway to her before he was conscious of deciding to move. 

“Audrey —“

His arms were around her.Curious.He definitely hadn’t decided to do that.But she was here, and he was here, and her whole body was shaking with every wracking sob. 

He held her until the sobbing subsided, and then he patted her head a bit awkwardly and sat her down at the table as he went about putting on tea. 

“I don’t want to go to Azkaban,” she said dully when he set the good cup down in front of her. 

Slowly, almost afraid to scare her, he took the chipped cup and eased himself into the other chair.“I thought you were a Half-blood.” 

Audrey shrugged.“My father is Muggle-born.My mother’s parents were both Muggleborn as well. I was raised in the wizarding world, so I’ve always felt magical enough.I knew I didn’t have a chance of saving my father, but my parents left the country when this all began so I decided he was safe enough and put it out of my mind.But this morning — “ 

Another sob.Percy reached across the table to put a hand gently on her shoulder as she struggled to calm down. 

“This morning,” Audrey continued after a moment, “I received a summons for my mother.She’s accused of — of stealing magic.” 

Percy felt suddenly very old and very tired.“I’m so sorry.Audrey, your mother — “

“I don’t think they care enough about her to go running off to South America or wherever they are now to track her down,” she said, very quickly, as though she wanted to get it all out at once.“So I’m not very worried about her safety, at least not yet.But I thought she was safe because she had magical parents.And I started thinking — if the children of Muggleborns can be targeted, am I safe?You only have to go back a few generations and I have no magic in my family tree.None at all.I was hoping against hope that you’d say it doesn’t matter, that even if they think my parents stole their magic they won’t accuse me of their supposed crime, but — Merlin, Percy.What if they come after me next?I can’t just go into hiding on the chance that they will, I have patients who depend on me.But if I wait until I get the summons it will be too late to get away!Percy, what do I do?” 

She’d started crying again somewhere in the middle, big tears rolling down her cheeks as her eyes bore pleadingly into his.Percy reached across the table and unknotted her hands where they’d gone white-knuckled grasping her cup. 

“Audrey, listen to me.We’ll figure something out.I need — I just need to think.We’ll come up with a plan.Drink your tea, it will help you feel better.” 

A small, sad smile lurked at the corners of her mouth, and her eyes were suddenly, painfully full of hope. 

Directed at him. 

Letting go of her hands, Percy stood and began to pace.First, he needed to work through all the strange emotions that were rising in him, having her look at him that way — 

On the other hand, scratch that.He could sort that out later, or maybe, not at all.Not at all seemed like a good time for thinking about those feelings.His focus right now had to be helping her.There had to be something — when he’d seen cases like this — 

He paced for so long that when he finally stopped and picked up his own cup, the tea had gone cold.It was pitch dark outside, but not in his flat — Audrey must have lit the candles.She was curled up on his little sofa now, arms wrapped tightly around her body, mouth in a firm line, staring at him. 

“I… I think I might have a solution.” 

“Really?”And there was that hope again. 

Percy came around to sit next to her, trying to decide how to phrase what he was about to say.There was a fairly good chance that she wouldn’t like it.But she was _counting_ on him now. 

“One thing I’ve noticed,” he began slowly, “which may not be surprising to you, is that the Ministry has rarely been going after the children of Muggleborns.There’s a chance it’s because Muggleborns themselves are seen as a more imminent threat and they’ll start going after children of Muggleborns at greater rates… later.But I don’t think so.I think if they start to consider the children of Muggleborn witches and wizards, to be essentially Muggleborns themselves, they’ll lose too much of the magical population.So they’re only going after people like your mother or yourself as a means of punishment, in cases where those people have already defied the Ministry, or… or You-Know-Who.” 

Audrey was quiet for a moment.“But my mother — “

“Went on the run with her Muggleborn husband.And you are protecting their location and aiding known fugitives — at least, that’s what I bet you’d do if the Ministry showed up at your door to ask.Let alone Death Eaters.” 

“I imagine the Ministry _does_ send Death Eaters,” Audrey muttered.“But yes.So that means I am still a potential target.” 

“Yes.” 

“So… I’d have to give up my parents to save myself?Is that what you’re suggesting?” 

“No!No.Not give them up.But you would need to… repudiate them.Cut all ties.Say if you’re asked, that you have no idea where they are, and good riddance.” 

Audrey closed her eyes and took a deep, gasping breath.“I could do that.” 

“That alone might save you from going to Azkaban, or even just losing your wand, if you’re up on trial, but it’s not a guarantee.” 

He waited until she’d opened her eyes again and turned them on him before continuing.Her face looked drawn now, haggard.He wondered if his own strain was beginning to show. 

“The one thing,” he said slowly, “that would really solidify your case, that would make them much less likely to even bring you in for questioning, let alone send you to Azkaban, would be… would be if you strengthened ties with the wizarding community.Made an alliance into a Pureblood family, above reproach, with the favour of the Ministry.” 

There was a pause as Percy tried to put the next part of his idea into words that would make sense.But Audrey beat him to it. 

“Make an alliance… Pureblood, above reproach, favour of the Ministry,” she repeated, sitting up straight and counting the points off on her fingers.“That’s — Percy, I’m very sorry if I’ve got your logic wrong, but are you asking me to marry you?” 

Percy could suddenly hear his heart beating. 

“Yes.” 

They stared wordlessly at each other for what seemed like an eternity.Finally, unable to bear the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears, Percy broke the silence. 

“Look, this is the most secure thing I can think of to keep you safe, but I understand if you don’t want to.I — “

“ _Want_ to?”Audrey sounded shaken.“Don’t be daft.To keep me out of Azkaban, to possibly save my life?It’s almost too easy of a solution!But why would you do that for me?You’d be trapped — or if anyone found out — “

“Audrey.” 

She stopped, looked at him again.There was still hope in her eyes. 

Focusing on using the right words and ignoring the growing anxiousness in his belly, Percy licked his lips.“I consider you a good friend, Audrey.I don’t want you to go to Azkaban and so I’d do it for your sake alone.But… I’m also very lonely.My family and I don’t speak anymore.At the Ministry everyone I might be sympathetic to is always on guard.I think… I think it might be nice to come home every night to someone I can be myself with.Someone I genuinely like.” 

Percy delivered the speech very carefully not looking directly at Audrey, so it was something of a surprise when she laughed. 

“Well… I can’t promise you _every_ night.Babies do tend to come on their own schedule.” 

And then they were smiling at each other, and somehow, the light of hope in her eyes had taken root in his chest. 

*** 

Three weeks later, Percy entered a Ministry lift to find his father already in it.He very nearly backed away, his “Sorry, going down” already on his lips, when the elevator’s other occupant noticed him. 

“Back already, eh, Weasley?You only took three days off?” 

Damn. 

“The Minister,” he said in his most forbidding tone, stepping into the lift and definitely not looking at his father, “couldn’t spare me for any longer than that.” 

Dawlish was not put off.“Where’d you go, then?Paris?” 

Well, small mercies, anyway.Nothing in the conversation so far would alert his father to the fact that he’d recently married without his family’s knowledge.He was very conscious of Arthur, whom he could see in his peripheral standing on the other side of Dawlish, looking straight ahead, expressionless. 

“Scotland,” Percy replied crisply. 

“Scotland?In _November_?”Dawlish whistled.“And the little lady was alright with that?” 

Much more alright than she would be at the idea of someone calling her a ‘little lady’. 

“Well, we didn’t spend much time _outside._ ” 

Of course as soon as he said the words he realized how they would sound to Dawlish. 

The other man chortled.“No, bet not!” 

Percy hoped he wasn’t blushing.And that his father hadn’t managed to puzzle it out. 

“Between you and me,” Dawlish said finally, once he’d finished finding the idea of going outside on one’s honeymoon very funny, “we do have a file on her.Parents are fugitives.But she doesn’t seem to be in touch with them, or trying to be, and the fact that she married you speaks to her character.So her file is shelved for now.” 

“Glad to hear it,” Percy said, and he was.Glad and so relieved that he didn’t realize until half an hour later that Dawlish had let the word ‘married’ slip. 

***

Percy lived just off Diagon Alley, in the seedier area leading toward Knockturn because it was cheaper, but Audrey’s flat had been in Muggle London.After some consideration, they’d decided that living in a Muggle flat might add a black mark to their records, so Audrey had moved her stuff into Percy’s and they called it home.The flat was still tiny, but it was less ugly now.The kitchen cupboards were full of dishes and pots and pans, the sofa was decked with pillows and a cheerful Hufflepuff-yellow blanket, and there were lace curtains on the bedroom window.Not to mention the female clothes in the closet, the bottles and jars that seemed to have multiplied rapidly on the bathroom counter. 

They spent a quiet Christmas at the flat.Audrey seemed to want to get into the spirit of the season, cheerfully presenting him with a neatly-wrapped set of decorative paperweights, exclaiming over the crochet scarf imbued with protective spells he'd gotten for her, humming Christmas carols as she prepared their measly feast of ham and veg.But by mid-afternoon she had faded, curled up on the little sofa, staring silently into the fire.Percy reflected that this must be her first Christmas without her family. 

Two years ago, his first Christmas alone had also been difficult.He'd still had contact with most of his friends from Hogwarts at that point, even if his family had persisted in believing Dumbledore over the Minister of Magic... well, they'd been right, hadn't they.Just last Christmas, he’d known he'd been wrong about He Who Must Not Be Named, but the Ministry saw the error of its ways now and Scrimgeour was the right man to be in charge, and still his family stuck with Dumbledore and remained suspicious of the Minister... and he’d been too proud to admit he was wrong… last Christmas Scrimgeour had used his connection as a pretext to confront Harry Potter, and Percy had ended up back in The Burrow on Christmas, still an outsider... 

At five o'clock Audrey received a panicked owl from Mr. Davies -- it seemed that the twins were coming into the world early.Percy didn't think either of them were sad to see the end of their pathetic attempts at celebration.Once she left, he took up her place on the sofa, staring into the fire, wondering how things would have been different if he'd hugged his mother last Christmas, laughed when Ginny's mashed potato hit his glasses, if he'd stayed... 

He went to bed early, and when Audrey came home past midnight, he pretended to be asleep as she slid in beside him. 

***

It was, as he'd imagined, nice to come home to Audrey every night.He wasn’t sure if it was normal or if it was part of her trying to pay him back — no matter what he said or did, she continued to believe that he had done _her_ a favour by marrying her — but when she was home for the evening, she fed him a good meal.He would go so far as saying her cooking rivalled his mother’s. 

And despite her prediction, Audrey _was_ home most nights.As times got darker, less people were having babies and even those who were didn’t always want to risk a trip to the midwife’s.Audrey did do home visits,but even so.He’d gently asked how business was going once, and she’d mentioned that while it had decreased, the number of witches who turned up at her office asking to end a pregnancy had skyrocketed.He hadn’t asked again.It made them both too contemplative and melancholy to think about other young couples coming to the decision that this world was too dangerous to bring a baby into. 

After eating, talking a bit about their days, washing up, and reading or listening to the wireless, they crawled into bed to sleep, each staying carefully to their own side.One night Percy had woken to the sound of muffled sobs from Audrey’s pillow.He’d rolled over, found her hand with his and held on tightly until the tears subsided.After that, he occasionally woke to find Audrey’s hand had landed on his shoulder during the night, or his arm had snaked across her.It was comfort.They were neither of them alone anymore.Sometimes out of the corner of his eye he thought he caught her looking at him a little strangely in the mornings, but when he turned to face her she always looked normal. 

The pattern they’d fallen into was easy, the company was nice, and Percy sometimes found himself wondering if this was how normal marriages felt. 

***

Easter turned out to be less of a trial than Christmas had been.Maybe it was because the holiday had less of the associations of family and tradition — maybe because they had started, by now, to be used to having each other around.In any case, they ate ham and drank elf-made wine, and stuffed their faces with far too much chocolate, and dozed in front of the fire with the wireless playing insipid music in the background. 

Percy was still treasuring the memory a few days later when everything changed. 

He'd arrived at the Ministry early, so it wasn't unusual that so few people spoke to him in the halls... was it?He had just reached his desk and was wondering if he'd imagined that people seemed reluctant to meet his eyes when the Minister emerged from his office, followed by Yaxley and Umbridge. 

"Ah, good morning, Minister!" Percy said with as much cheerfulness as he could muster. 

The three looked at him blankly. 

"In my office, Weasley," Thicknesse said finally."Now." 

Curious, and a little frightened, Percy followed his boss into the other room.Yaxley and Umbridge came as well.A knot had formed in the bottom of Percy's stomach.They were the lead prosecutors of Muggle-borns -- this couldn't be about Audrey -- 

"Weasley," Yaxley began, once Percy and Thicknesse were seated."Are you aware of the whereabouts of your youngest brother, one Ronald Bilius Weasley?" 

Yaxley and Umbridge stood on either side of Thicknesse's chair.Was this an interrogation? 

"My most recent information comes from the Ministry report that he's at home with a contagious illness," Percy said slowly."If that has changed, I wouldn't know.I haven't had any communication with Ronald in over two years." 

"Would it surprise you," Umbridge asked, in a deceptively sweet voice, "if you heard that Ronald Weasley was seen in the company of Undesirable Number One and the known Mudblood Hermione Granger?" 

"I am aware that he was close to those individuals at school.As I said, I haven't heard from him and have no insight." 

"Would it surprise you if you heard that Ronald was never ill, and your family conspired to convince Ministry officials that Ronald was sick in his bed when in fact he has been aiding and abetting Undesirable Number One ever since the first of August, 1997?"Umbridge's voice, though still high, had lost its sweetness.She sounded vicious. 

Percy swallowed."Yes," he said."Although I have not spoken to my mother in over a year, it seems out of character for her to condone one of her children taking such a risk." 

"No defense for the rest of your family, then?" Yaxley put in. 

"I don't know, sir.You're aware that I broke from them when they insisted on following the known traitor Dumbledore instead of the Ministry of Magic, which rightfully holds power over the wizarding community.At that time I would not have believed something so extreme of them, but I have no way of knowing how their views have evolved in the last, nearly three years.I honestly don't know what they would do now." 

All three officials stared him down.Percy felt the tug of shame in his stomach.This disavowal was a cowardly act, trying to save himself and Audrey by throwing his family to the wolves.He tried to remind himself that the Order would protect them, he tried to remind himself that if it was true, Death Eaters would go after them regardless of what he said.It was poor comfort. 

Finally Thicknesse nodded."You have been nothing but loyal to the Ministry of Magic.Your only stains on your record are your family's treachery and your wife's questionable parentage.You are free to go, but know that we will not take a third strike against you lightly." 

Knees weak and knocking, Percy stood, nodded, backed out of the room. 

He did not sleep that night.Neither, curled silently around him, did Audrey. 

***

Arthur was no longer coming into the Ministry.Bill had resigned his position at Gringott's.This much he could discover, but little more.Thanks to a Quibbler subscription to Audrey's office, which was in the receptionist's name and which the receptionist had not bothered to cancel before leaving the country, he was able to get some news without drawing suspicion.He knew he was being watched.Even in his own flat he was self-conscious, though he and Audrey had both performed every charm and enchantment they knew to keep the place free from intrusions. 

His desperation had grown almost to a boiling point when, the Sunday after his family had disappeared, Audrey received an emergency owl. 

"I have to get to Hogsmeade," she said wearily as she sent the owl back out and closed the window."Miscarriage.The woman's in a bad state and in any case I'm not in a position to turn down business." 

She hadn't had an appointment in nearly a month. 

As Audrey went to retrieve her traveling cloak, the significance hit.Hogsmeade... Hogwarts... The Order. 

"Say, Audrey, can you gab mine as well?Think I'll come along part of the way." 

"I'm perfectly fine on my own," came her muffled voice from the back of the closet."I know you're worried about -- "

"No, no, just fancy a drink someplace less depressing than what the Leaky Cauldron's like these days."A plan was formulating as he spoke. 

Audrey finally emerged with both cloaks and her medical bag."Fine, as long as you don't try to come into the house... my patient is really in a delicate state right now..." 

Percy waited until they were down on the street before speaking.Make it look like he wasn't doing anything suspicious... 

"Nonsense, my dear... just a drink since you're happening by that way.The Cauldron is so crowded these days, don't you think?In fact, the Three Broomsticks might be crowded as well... if I can't find a seat near the bar I'll go down to the Hog's Head... just a nice pint of mead and quiet pub is what I'm after, astonishing how difficult it is to find these days..." 

Audrey gave him a curious look but let it go."Of course, darling.How nice to have you accompany me." 

Hogsmeade was quieter than it should have been for midafternoon on a Sunday.While Audrey hurried off to her patient, Percy went to scope out the Three Broomsticks.It was nowhere near as busy as it would have been on, say, a Hogwarts Hogsmeade weekend, but there was enough of a crowd that he wouldn't be able to find a seat near the bar.Good. 

Shaking his head as though he couldn't bear the thought of sharing space with that many people, Percy made his way to the Hog's Head. 

The pub was nearly empty, just a few disreputable-looking characters at the back and a scowling Aberforth Dumbledore polishing glasses behind the bar. 

"A pint of your best mead, if you please."Percy plunked some coins down on the counter and Aberforth looked over at him with distaste. 

"Didn't expect someone like you down on this end of the high street," he muttered, not fetching Percy's drink. 

Percy's heart thumped uncomfortably as Thicknesse's words came back to him. _We will not take a third strike against you lightly._... he hadn't thought it was that suspicious, visiting the Hog's Head, especially after his show in front of the Broomsticks, but... 

"Too much of a crowd over at the Broomsticks!" he declaimed in his best Gilderoy Lockhart impersonation."A wizard likes to hear himself think, don't you know.Now about that mead..." 

With a grunt, Aberforth collected Percy's money and went to pour out a mug.Percy reached out to accept it, and knocked it clean off the bar.There was an unpleasant noise as the glass smashed and the mead squelched to the ground. 

"Oh dear!My apologies!Allow me to help you clean that up, my good man!" 

Ignoring Aberforth's look of dislike, Percy hopped over the bar.Ducking down under the pretence of cleaning, he pushed another galleon at the barman. 

"Do you know if my family is safe?" he hissed. 

Aberforth, to his credit, did not look particularly surprised by this turn of events."Why do you care?" 

"SCOURGIFY," said Percy loudly, and then, under his breath, "They're my _family_.My brothers... It may have taken me too long to realize it, but they're right, and I was wrong, and regardless, I want to know that they're okay.You're in the Order — "

"Not anymore I'm not." 

Percy nearly dropped his wand."You — what?" 

"I may have had a bit of a disagreement with my own brother." 

Aberforth was silent a moment, studying him.Percy could feel his stomach dropping into his boots.He'd hoped — he wanted — was this risk entirely in vain? 

Finally Aberforth sighed."They're fine.All in safe houses, as far as I know." 

The relief made Percy weak again."Thank — "

"Don't thank me," said Aberforth bluntly."But I suppose you'll be wanting me to let you know any more news of them?" 

"Yes — yes — and if there's any chance I could see them — apologize — "

But Aberforth was clearly finished.Standing, he nearly bellowed, "I could have easily done that myself, _sir_." 

Percy stood as well."Technique is more important than many people realize when using simple household spells, my good man!The way you hold your wand is simply atrocious!Well, and maybe I'll take my custom back to the Three Broomsticks and nevermind their crowds..." 

***

It happened much more quickly than Percy could have anticipated.Only a few weeks after the trip to Hogsmeade, he walked into the Ministry atrium to a ripple of whispers. 

“— a _dragon_ , can you believe — “

“ — visible everywhere in Diagon Alley, wasn’t it?Even though — “

“— I don’t believe it, I don’t, it’s another one of their tricks — “

“— broke into Gringotts?I don’t think it’s — “

“— but I heard, _Harry Potter_ — “

“Shh, you great oaf, don’t say his — “

“— friend’s cousin saw it with his own eyes, and _he_ says — “

Percy stopped, piecing the whispers together.Harry Potter — Gringotts — dragon — even if it was a rumour — Ron — 

Shaking his head, he returned to his desk.There was a chance it was only a rumour, and even so — he wouldn’t jeopardize his position until he heard from Aberforth or it became unavoidable.Harry had been spotted once or twice before, hadn’t he?It was agony to wait, but if it saved him… 

Still, Percy left as early as he felt he could get away with that afternoon.Considering the Minister seemed to have disappeared, most of the senior ministry officials and all suspected Death Eaters with him, this was earlier than it might otherwise have been. 

Audrey was waiting anxiously for him.“Percy!You heard, then?” 

“Did you see it?” 

She nodded.“A dragon — flying straight up out of Gringotts — I wasn’t close enough myself, but from what I’ve heard everyone is convinced that Harry Potter was riding on the dragon’s back, along with his friends — “

“My brother?” 

“Yes.” 

“Does anyone know where it went?” 

Audrey shook her head. 

Percy paced round and round the small flat that evening, while Audrey tried to press tea, soup, and eventually some chocolate onto him.She was just starting to make noises about preparing a Sleeping Draught — he had to get some rest, she argued, if he was going to go into the ministry tomorrow and pretend like none of this had happened — when — 

“Merlin, what is that?” she shrieked. 

A silvery goat had erupted into their living room. Percy motioned his wife to listen just as it started to speak in Aberforth Dumbledore’s voice. 

“Well, Weasley, they’re here.The whole family, and just about everyone else too.We’re going to fight the bastard!Everything’s happening down at Hogwarts, so if you want to come back to the side of the light, now would be the time.” 

The goat shimmered out of existence. 

After a long moment of silence, Audrey ventured, “Percy?” 

He wanted to laugh, and he wanted to cry.“Did I never mention that most of my family are members of the Order of the Phoenix?” 

“I rather guessed.” 

Percy turned to take his wife’s hands.“I have to go.I’m sorry, Audrey.My family — our whole world — I have to fight him.” 

She nodded.“I’ll be along later.They’ll need all the healers they can get.” 

It made perfect sense, and yet — there was a knot of dread in his stomach at the idea of her anywhere near Death Eaters.“You’ll stay away from the fighting?” 

“I’ll stay with Madam Pomfrey wherever she’s set up her infirmary.I promise.I’m not going to go looking for trouble.Bringing life into this world is my calling, not the other way around.”Audrey took a deep, sobbing breath.“But you — promise me you’re not going to do something stupid because you think you deserve it.I don’t care.You may have fought with your family, but you saved _me_.Fight, Percy, but fight for life, and stay safe.” 

Just as he was about to let go, she leaned forward and kissed him.“Stay safe,” she repeated in a harsh whisper. 

“I promise,” he whispered back. 

And then she turned away to gather her supplies, and he Apparated into the Hog’s Head. 

***

When the rush of the battle was over, Percy found himself at the centre of a knot of Weasleys.After so long without, he soaked in the feeling of family.The sharp, crashing grief of Fred’s loss hung around them, but even it couldn’t dampen the love.He leaned into his mother’s embrace, felt one of his brothers’ hands on his back, took and received comfort. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Audrey. 

She was a distance away from the family circle but she was watching them, looking tired and bloody and sad and… lonely.She must miss her parents.He wondered if she had any way to contact them, now that it was all over, to tell them it was safe and they could come back. 

And how must this look to her?Himself surrounded by family, welcomed back into the fold, while she stood on the outside alone.For months, they had been all the other had, and now —

Audrey swayed slightly on her feet.She must be more exhausted than he realized.Percy was halfway to her before he realized what he was doing. 

“Percy, what — “

He put an arm around her waist to steady her.“Are you okay?” 

“Yes, just — there were so many.We saved as many as we could.” 

As if thinking about it tired her more, she collapsed against him.He tightened his grip. 

“I’m glad it wasn’t you in there,” she whispered, touching her fingers briefly to his cheek. “It was in the back of my mind the whole time I was working and — well.I’m so relieved to see you in one piece.” 

He thought of Fred.He thought of how he should have died instead of Fred.He didn’t say anything.Instead he looked back to his family. 

They were all watching.His father’s expression was impassive, but the rest of their faces showed curiosity, confusion, speculation, surprise.He tightened his arm around Audrey’s waist again. 

“Can you walk?” 

“Can I… of _course_ I can walk.I’m just tired, not — where are we going?” 

Percy didn’t think he needed to answer, not when the Weasley clan was already upon them. 

“Dad, Mum, everyone.” When he’d first realized he would have to tell everyone, he had expected it to be difficult, but at this point, half exhausted by war and grief, half exhilarated by victory, he couldn’t remember why he’d been nervous.“This is Audrey.My wife.” 

“Oh!”  Surprise on everyone’s faces, but his mother rushed forward anyway to engulf them both in a hug. 

“Audrey, this is my mother, Molly,” he managed to choke out. 

“Hello,” came Audrey’s muffled voice.  But Molly was crying again. 

***

They remained well into the afternoon.There were celebrations, there were sudden outpourings of grief, there were arrangements to be made.Percy could see Kingsley Shacklebolt and Professor McGonagall speaking to those who had arrived to find their loved ones killed.All the while, he sat with Audrey, holding her hand silently and making sure she ate and drank. 

At his mother's urging, Audrey accompanied the family back to the Burrow.Percy was glad — he'd been feeling torn between Audrey and his newly restored family.It felt right to have them all in one place. 

Exhausted and punch-drunk, they all set out for bed immediately.It was still light out.Everything felt surreal.Percy showed Audrey to his old room — he hadn't seen it since he'd moved out almost four years ago.It looked exactly as he remembered.There wasn't even the thick layer of dust he might have expected.Audrey excused herself to wash while Percy stood, swaying, in the centre of the room.His mother must have kept it this way for him... his mother... had she kept loving him all along, all this time he'd been the world's biggest prat? 

Audrey was finishing in the loo.Brushing off his heavy thoughts, Percy opened a drawer in his dresser and found an old pair his of pyjamas for her.They weren't moth-eaten... they didn't even smell stale... 

He fled to the bathroom when Audrey returned.He was shaking again.Charlie and Bill used to share a room, but Fleur must be in there with Bill now.Was Charlie sleeping in Fred's old bed?Or had he been relegated to the sitting room? 

Percy washed quickly.His thoughts were fragmented, circling wildly.Exhaustion.He needed to lie down, but his thoughts were whirling, his feelings coming in waves, he didn't know that he'd be able to sleep... 

Back in his old bedroom, Percy stopped dead.Audrey was curled up in the narrow bed, already asleep.He could see her arms encased in the pyjamas he'd found for her, but the bottoms were still sitting on the end of the bed.He wondered if she should have told his family that she wasn't really his wife in the way that mattered.Should have let her take the bed and slept gallantly in the sitting room.He was selfishly glad to have her here, to not have to face this alone, but it didn't seem fair to her somehow... 

"Percy?Are you coming to bed, or are you just going to stand in the doorway all night?" 

She wasn't asleep, after all.Percy hurried inside, stripped off his robes, stepped into the pyjama bottoms she'd left for him, laid his glasses on the shelf.That felt right, too.He slipped into the bed — too narrow for two people, really — but then even if they'd been in their flat maybe they'd have slept like this, tonight, after the events of the past twenty-four hours, curled together, each listening to the other's reassuring heartbeat. 

***

Something was tickling his nose.Percy twitched, batted it away, but — it was no use — finished by sneezing. 

"Gesundheit," muttered Audrey, still half-asleep, not very far from his ear. 

Percy opened his eyes.All he could see was Audrey's hair. 

"Your _hair_ is in my _nose_ ," he informed her. 

"Yeah well your _bogies_ are in my _hair_ , so." 

There was a giggle by the door.Percy reached for his glasses — shocked at how easily he found them, his body clearly remembered where their shelf was after all these years — and put them on his face, bringing the world into focus.The bedroom door was ajar, and three witches were peeking curiously in: his mother, his sister, and Hermione Granger. 

"Oh, Mum!Good morning?" It came out as something of a squawk. 

Beside him, Audrey sat up."Oh, I'm sorry!Have we overslept?" 

"Everyone's just getting up now," said Molly, with an appraising look Percy wasn't sure he liked."I thought you might want some breakfast." 

Audrey threw off the covers energetically and bounded out of bed."Absolutely!It smells delicious.Just give me one moment and I'll come down and lend a hand." 

All three witches in the doorway exchanged a glance, whether at Audrey's statement or at the fact that Percy and his wife were clearly sharing a pair of pyjamas between them he wasn't sure. 

"I'll join as well.Can you close the door on the way out?"This with a pointed look at Ginevra. 

After dropping a couple of bundles and exchanging another glance — he wasn't sure, now that he thought about it, how to do a three-way glance but they'd managed somehow — the three women back out of the doorway.  Percy heard the door close with a click and turned back to his wife. 

"Oh, lovely!They've left us some clean clothes." 

"How are you this morning, Audrey?" he asked, ducking to avoid the Chudley Cannons t-shirt she'd chucked at him. 

"I'm... well.Better now that I've had... what, fourteen hours of sleep?" 

They dressed silently.Percy rather thought Audrey was avoiding his gaze.Eventually, one hand on the doorknob, she turned to face him."I'm not intruding, am I?I could always go back to the flat... or my office... your family's loss..." 

"You're staying," said Percy firmly, trying to tamp down the panic that had sprung up at her words."And not a word about this 'intruding' idea.There's a lot of grief to go around right now, and I expect we'll get lots of visits in the coming days... in the meantime, it will help my mum if she keeps busy trying to feed everyone." 

Audrey accepted this with a small smile. 

Breakfast was subdued.Ron, along with Harry and Hermione, shared some of what they'd been up to in the lead-up to the battle.Some of the others talked about Order business, about being locked up at Aunt Muriel's.Percy didn't contribute to the conversation.There were a number of curious glances in his and Audrey's direction.Everyone except George, who also hadn't spoken all morning, seemed to be dying to know the story, but Percy didn't feel up to explaining it yet.It had been private for so long, the face they showed to the outside world that of a normal young married couple... 

Fleur was quiet throughout the meal as well.Percy stole a few glances at his new sister-in-law.She seemed even paler than normal, her normally enchanting hair limp about her face.He should have been at the wedding... he still wasn't used to seeing Bill's face scarred like that... but Merlin, Fleur really didn't look well, did she? 

This thought occurred just as Fleur dropped her fork with a clatter and gave a low cry of pain.Bill was at her side instantly."What's wrong?Fleur, you said you weren't injured — "

"I'm fine," she muttered, but the expression on her face said otherwise. 

"Are you sure?"Audrey was on her feet now as well, wand in hand."I'm a healer, I can take a look — " 

She stopped suddenly next to Fleur's chair. 

"Yes — Fleur, was it — yes, I think we should take a look at you."Her voice was calm, soothing, with a touch of a sing-song quality to it.The sudden change gave Percy a bad feeling."Upstairs, I think... just a little examination... I expect you need some rest and maybe I can give you something for the pain.Yes, that's it — "Bill had eased Fleur out of her chair and was supporting her as they moved towards the stairs."Yes, I expect you should be there as well... nearly there, now..." 

Percy had been so focused on the change in his wife's voice and what it might mean that he didn't notice how still the rest of his family had gone until she disappeared upstairs.Molly was staring in the direction of the stairs with wide, frightened eyes, George had gripped his knife so hard his knuckles were turning white, and everyone else looked tense and nervous. 

"What could be wrong with her?" he heard Ron mutter to Hermione."Do you know of any curses that would have an effect a day later like this?" 

Hermione just shook her head wordlessly. 

"Your Audrey — she's a Healer, then?" asked Arthur. 

"Yes — well."Percy cleared his throat."Not at St. Mungo's.She has a private practice as a midwife.But she's had all the Healer training." 

This seemed to provide some reassurance, but the tension was still thick.Nobody seemed much interested in eating anymore.Molly waved her wand and the dishes floated off the table and towards the sink.Hermione immediately jumped to her feet to help. 

An anxious hour later, Audrey's voice floated down the stairs."Molly, do you have something warm and soothing for Fleur to drink, maybe a chamomile infusion?" 

Molly stood so quickly she knocked over her chair."I'll mix her up my own special blend for sleepless nights — peppermint, lemongrass, chamomile, and a touch of valerian root for good measure." 

"That sounds perfect.Thank you, Molly."Audrey was visible now, descending the stairs.She looked tired.The urge to go to her, to wrap her in his arms and take some of the weight off her shoulders, was sudden, and strong.Percy fidgeted in his chair to distract from the fact that he'd shifted his weight to stand up. 

"Is she — " Molly began, as boiling water began to flow from her wand into a large teapot. 

Audrey smiled wanly."She's going to be fine.Just needs to take it easy for a while.Once I take that up to her I'll come back and give you all the details." 

The whole room felt a bit lighter as Audrey went back to Fleur.George was the only one who didn't look relieved — he had stood and begun to pace.Percy wondered if the moment the tension had lifted had highlighted the fact that Fred, unlike Fleur, wouldn't be alright.Since he didn't want to think about Fred, Percy went to fix Audrey a cup of tea. 

All eyes were on Audrey when she came down again.She smiled gratefully at Percy when he handed her the tea, but remained standing. 

"Well," she said."Well.As I said, Fleur will be fine.I've put her on bed rest for today and tomorrow, and she should avoid anything strenuous for a while after that, but, I expect that physically she'll have made a full recovery within a couple weeks." 

"Physically?" said Molly sharply. 

Audrey hesitated."Er, yeah.It might... it might take longer emotionally.Fleur has had a miscarriage." 

Silence, broken eventually by Molly's sob."She was — pregnant?" 

"Not very far along," Audrey hastened to assure her."Only about ten weeks.It's very common to lose a baby in the first three months — and what with the physical and emotional toll of the battle — well, I can say, she hasn’t lost too much blood, and every indication is that she'll have no trouble conceiving again.She says— " a wry smile twisted at the corners of Audrey's mouth — "she says that Voldemort may have taken this baby away but their next child will be a symbol of victory." 

"Hear, hear!" said Charlie, to general laughter. 

Slowly, everyone dispersed from the kitchen.The weight of all they'd lost under Voldemort was making itself felt again.Still teary-eyed, Molly told Audrey, "Why don't you take your tea out to the garden, dear.It's quite lovely out there today and I'm sure you need a moment's peace." 

Audrey gave her a tired smile."Thanks, I think I will.Percy, want to show me around?" 

Surprised that she wanted him to, Percy followed her out. 

"This is the garden," he said unnecessarily."The chickens are over there... my dad uses the shed for illegal experiments with Muggle things he confiscates... there's a little paddock up the hill where you can fly without being seen by the villagers..." 

"Is there anywhere we can sit?" Audrey asked, sounding amused. 

"Oh!Right, yes!" 

He brought her around the house, away from the chickens, where there was a low bench in a little flower garden. 

They sat in silence for a while.Percy was just wondering how Audrey would react if he put his arm around her when she sighed and said, "I still feel a bit like I'm intruding... or if not intruding, then, I don't know, like an impostor." 

"Are you joking?You helped Fleur, my mum already loves you." 

"Yeah, because she thinks I'm her daughter-in-law." 

It hit him like a slap to the face. 

"You _are_ her daughter-in-law," he said immediately, and then, to cover his hurt and confusion, "technically, anyway." 

Audrey bit her lip but said nothing. 

"Do you really think," Percy continued after a moment, "that I would just abandon you now that You-Know-Who is dead?Just dump you on the side of the road to wait for your parents to make their way back from whatever lost corner of the world they've managed to find their way into?Even if we weren't married.You've seen my family now.My mother would welcome anyone who needed her with open arms." 

Still nothing.Percy soldiered on. 

"And in a more selfish vein, I — I've been apart from them for too long.I don't want to do this alone.Losing Fred — " he still didn't want to think about Fred — "losing Fred so soon after making up with him.I can't do this alone.Audrey, after all these months together — I think you're my best friend in the world right now." 

A sniffle."Yeah," she said thickly."Same, I think." 

Emboldened by this admission, Percy pulled her into his arms."I would miss you if you left." 

"I don't want to leave," she said into his neck. 

"I didn't want to — it didn't seem right to talk about, with everyone's lives in danger," he started. 

Was he really doing this?His heart was beating so hard in his chest, she must be able to feel it.She had gone very still in his arms. 

"I... was rather hoping... that when things settled down... that maybe... maybe we could try to make this into... a real marriage." 

Audrey wriggled suddenly and he slackened his hold enough that she could lean back and look him in the eye. 

For a few breathless, weighty moments, they stared at each other. 

"Do you mean that?" she asked quietly. 

"Of course." 

"You just reunited with your family, your brother died, I don't want you to do or say anything reckless in order to keep me as your friend.I'll be there for you if you need me." 

"I do need you." 

"And you meant it?" 

"Yes." 

"You really meant it?"

Now this was starting to get frustrating. 

"Merlin's pants, Audrey, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't — " 

But she cut him off, in the best possible way, with a kiss. 


	6. The Head Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s funny — we’re a little like their parents, don’t you think? Dad’s the disciplinarian and Mum’s the soft touch, just like in my family.” 
> 
> Percy was aghast. There was nothing parental about the Head-prefect relationship! 
> 
> “In my family, Mum’s the disciplinarian,” he said, because it was the most polite response he could think of at the moment. 
> 
> Audrey only laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-romance. Sketches from a year at Hogwarts. I'm trying to do better at writing a Percy with all the earnest pomposity he has in canon.

Percy kissed his mother goodbye and hurried over to load his chest and Hermes onto the prefects’ carriage, making sure to keep the Head Boy badge on his chest clearly visible as he walked.(Fred and George may have mocked this, but Percy chose to rise above.)He was Head Boy, in a year with increased security measures that meant extra responsibility, and his beautiful and intelligent girlfriend would be arriving for the prefects’ meeting once the train left the station.All in all, life was good. 

Murderers on the loose and all. 

“Hullo, Perce!”A petite Hufflepuff grinned and waved. 

The Head Girl had apparently beaten him to the prefects’ carriage. 

“Good morning, Audrey,” he said, very politely.“How was your summer?” 

“Well enough.My parents are so pleased I made Head Girl — they’re Muggles, of course, they have no idea what it means that I got an O in Charms but ‘prefect’ and ‘head’ are concepts they understand.How was yours?” 

“Quite well, thank you.My family went on holiday in Egypt.And of course I was very happy to receive the honour of being named head.” 

Audrey giggled.A Head Girl giggling just before the first prefects’ meeting!An insult to the honour of the role, Percy rather thought. 

“Shall we?” he asked, pulling out the packet of papers he’d received from Professor McGonagall. 

They spent the next few minutes discussing passwords, rules, and extra security measures, and when the prefects finally arrived Percy insisted on opening the meeting.He strongly suspected Audrey wouldn’t manage the proper decorum. 

***

The Heads’ offices branched off opposite sides of the Prefects’ Common Room.While Penny organized his favourite books on the bookcase, Percy hung his brand-new nameplate with pride and stood for a moment admiring it: _Percy Weasley, Head Boy_.His happy contemplation, however, was quickly destroyed by the bustle across the way. 

All the Hufflepuff prefects were currently engaged in the (apparently interminable) endeavour of decorating Audrey’s office.Through the open door, Percy could see colourful posters on her walls bearing inspirational quotes, bright pamphlets on her bookshelves, comfortable chairs for visitors, cushions everywhere.Just below her nameplate, someone had hung a sign reading: “Always welcome! Just knock!” followed by her office hours. 

What nonsense. 

Audrey didn’t seem to have grasped the importance of her role.Was she setting herself up as a kind of older-sister figure to the other prefects?That wasn’t the job of the Head Girl.When had the Headmaster or Assistant Headmistress ever tried to take on that kind of comfortable, familiar position? 

Percy shook his head.Clearly maintaining a proper level of responsibility in this office would be his burden alone. 

***

To Percy’s dismay, Audrey’s office hours were much better attended than his own. 

Prefects came to her with problems in their houses they wanted to resolve, with questions about the hallway patrols, and sometimes, for personal life advice.Prefects came to Percy when someone needed further punishment than they were empowered to deliver. 

When he expressed this to Audrey, she only laughed.“It’s funny — we’re a little like their parents, don’t you think?Dad’s the disciplinarian and Mum’s the soft touch, just like in my family.” 

Percy was aghast.There was nothing _parental_ about the Head-prefect relationship, and he thoroughly resented any implication of co-parenting with her. 

“In my family, Mum’s the disciplinarian,” he said, because it was the most polite response he could think of at the moment. 

Audrey laughed again.“Well, it does take all kinds.But Perce, you have to realize that I’m intentionally cultivating an atmosphere of welcome.I’m making myself approachable.You’re coming at this Head Boyship in terms of authority.And that’s fine!Two different leadership styles, and I think we complement each other in that way.” 

He wondered if he could tamp down his dignity enough to ask her not to call him “Perce.” 

***

It lifted Percy’s spirits that he was the first one Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall looked to after the Sirius Black sighting.And even more when the prefects followed suit.Audrey might give pep talks to frightened prefects, comfort the sobbing Gryffindor fifth-year prefect who felt she should have somehow prevented it all.But _he_ was treated as the authority for what was best security-wise.Who should be paired up on patrol, and when, and where. 

Audrey also accepted this calmly, although Percy had the sneaking suspicion that she could have done it just as well if he weren’t around.He wondered, with some discomfort, if she was stepping back in this area in order to bolster his confidence, the way she did with the prefects. 

Something of that discomfort must have come through.Preparing for a prefects’ meeting, Audrey turned to him and said out of nowhere, “Percy, I just wanted to say good job keeping us all level headed through this nonsense.I don’t know if I’d ever be able to stay calm and be so decisive in a dangerous situation.So… thanks.” 

“Well.”Percy could feel his chest swell.“It has been a difficult time, but I do try my best.Honouring the role of Head Boy and those who came before me, and all that.” 

“Right.” 

“Of course,” Percy continued, generous in his good humour, “I’m also very grateful for you for taking the lead in supporting the prefects.Even if they are the most mature and responsible students in their years, this is a little much for them.” 

“Right,” she said again, turning away to greet the prefects entering the room. 

Percy felt that was rather rude. 

***

Percy had to admit, over the course of the year, that he and Audrey really did work well together.Granted, she still tended to call him “Perce” and she definitely didn’t take the honour of being Head Girl seriously enough.But when he set those things aside, they got along well enough.And what Audrey had termed their “leadership styles” did seem to mesh well.At the very least, they naturally gravitated towards different areas of responsibility and didn’t end up competing too often.  And they had successfully led Hogwarts through one of the most tumultuous years in its history!  (Supported, of course, by an excellent staff.)  Sometimes Percy found himself wondering if he would have been able to develop as easy a partnership with, say, Penny.  But that wasn’t relevant. 

At any rate, finding people one could work with, even if one wasn’t friendly with them and wouldn’t choose voluntarily to spend time with them, would be a useful skill for life after Hogwarts. 

As he watched the Hufflepuff crew packing the contents of Audrey’s office back up, he reflected that he would miss being Head Boy.And as unlikely as he would have thought it on the Hogwarts Express on September 1st, he would miss having Audrey as Head Girl.Her calming presence, her easy-going nature, the productive working relationship they’d developed… 

“Are you ready, Percy?”Penny appeared in his line of vision with a box. 

With only a few quick waves of their wands, they packed Percy’s personal belongings into the box.Feeling sentimental, he took his nameplate off the door by hand. _Percy Weasley, Head Boy_. 

Well, he’d always have the memories… and the line on his CV. 

“I guess this is goodbye, then, Perce.” 

He looked up at Audrey’s outstretched hand. 

“Goodbye, Audrey.It has been a pleasure working with you.” 

They shook. 

“Yeah,” she replied.Was that a hint of a laugh in her voice.“Same.Well, good luck in your future career and all that!” 

Conscious of Penny waiting behind him, Percy withdrew his hand and started to turn.   “Likewise.But, I expect that we’ll run across one another again.” 

“I’m sure,” she said, and this time he was sure there was a laugh. 

But Penny levitated the box of his belongings and smiled at him, and he forgot about the Head Girl. 


	7. The One-Night Stand (and then some)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione smiled far too widely. “How do you feel about attending a wedding today, Audrey?” 
> 
> “Not very fondly, thank you.” 
> 
> “Hermione, you can’t — “
> 
> “Oh, hush, Ron. It’s the perfect solution. We can tell everyone that she and Percy have only been seeing each other a short while — how long have you known each other?” 
> 
> “Er, maybe fourteen hours?” 
> 
> Percy groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for alcohol, alcoholism, references to character deaths, depression, and trauma.

_ June 2004 _

 

Pounding music, flashing lights, the crush of bodies, the buzz of alcohol, the prospect of a solid shag at the end of the night — it was exactly what Audrey needed.It had been a long month of staying late at the office, waking in the middle of the night with a new idea or anxiety, eating cold leftovers from yesterday’s takeaway for breakfast, consuming such vast amounts of espresso that she couldn’t stomach lunch.Last week she’d done the big pitch and landed a new client; just today she’d wrapped the latest, highly problem-prone campaign.So tonight was a night to finally let loose. 

Making her way over to the bar, she signalled Julia for another vodka.Funny where your art school friends ended up.Julia had been trying to make it as an actress for ages, and was still stuck tending bar at a dance club to make ends meet. 

“This is the last one that’s on the house,” Julia called over the music as she handed Audrey the shot.“You’ve got to start paying now.” 

Well, that wasn’t very nice.“Time for me to find a bloke, then, is it?” 

Surveying the dance floor, Audrey could see that both Helen and Mags had already found men to attach themselves to.Despite Mags’s protests that she never found men decent enough to pick up, that they always abandoned her and she had to go home with Julia. 

If _Mags_ had already picked up, Audrey was definitely behind the game.Leaning back against the bar, she took stock of her options. 

There was a tall blond at the end of the bar, fit enough but wearing a hectic look that spoke of too many hours without sleep.I-banker, if she had her guess.Setup for disappointment.A likely young man stood at the edge of the dance floor, looking around hopefully — last of his group to pick up too, then.Audrey considered him momentarily, until she got a better look at his face and realized he must be barely twenty. 

Nope. 

A rather attractive man had just come out of the loo and was surveying the scene just as she was; but when he saw her watching him he gave her an honest-to-God _leer_ , which, absolutely not.Audrey spun quickly in the other direction, and her eye fell on a tall redhead who was watching the dance floor and swirling a tumbler of whisky idly. 

Well, this might be promising.Between his pressed shirt and geeky glasses, he seemed like a respectable sort, good job, but not life-consuming like the banker’s.He was the right age, apparently scanning the crowd for someone likely just as she was, but not too deep in his cups to be obnoxious. 

Yes, he might do. 

Audrey waved down Julia again. 

“Have you chosen your prey yet?” Julia asked.Really, that flair for drama was a little too much. 

“Red hair, glasses, think he’s drinking whisky.What do you think of him?” 

“Oh, him.I recognize him, actually.Comes in every few weeks, doesn’t dance much, drinks whiskey, takes a girl home.Seems solid.” 

That didn’t sound too dissimilar from her own habits, other than the dancing and perhaps the frequency.Mind made up, Audrey pushed off from the bar. 

“Thanks, Julia.You’re the best!” 

“I hate that whenever you come to my club you get sex and I’m stuck working!” Julia shouted after her.Audrey ignored this. 

The redhead had noticed her approach.He finished his whisky in one long swallow and set down the glass. 

“Want to dance?” she asked when she reached him. 

“With you, I will.” 

It felt good, with the vodka singing in her veins, the music pounding in her ears, to wrap her arms around him, to melt into his body.It felt right as they moved together and against each other in the semidarkness, as Audrey caught Helen giving her a thumbs up over the head of her own conquest. 

And it felt perfect when his mouth was on her, at the darkened edge of the dance floor, in the quiet confines of the cab, and finally, in the intimacy of his bedroom. 

 

~ * ~

 

Audrey awoke, unsurprisingly, to a hangover. 

As _he_ was still sound asleep, she stumbled out of the bedroom in search of aspirin on her own.The bathroom revealed nothing of value.His medicine cabinet seemed to be full of every flavour of cough syrup in existence, in weird, unlabeled glass bottles.Audrey paused a moment to consider if they were maybe illegal drugs; but the headache behind her eyes was too insistent to follow through on that thought. 

The kitchen was even worse.She did manage to get herself a glass of water, but there didn’t seem to be much of anything in the cupboards other than some dishes and a half dozen bottles labelled “Ogden’s Firewhisky”.Audrey had never heard of the brand, but it appeared to be a favourite of her host, since when she made it to what passed for a sitting room she found assorted empties on the floor. 

She stood for a moment, staring blankly.“Oh god.I’ve just slept with an alcoholic.” 

Her head was still throbbing.Maybe if she went back to bed, she would wake up to find that this had been some sort of booze-fuelled nightmare. 

It was not to be. 

The second time Audrey woke up, it was to the sound of someone pounding at the door. 

“Come on, Percy!If you don’t open up in five seconds I’m blasting this door open!” 

“Oh, Ron, don’t — “

But a blast did indeed follow.Beside Audrey, her redheaded companion shot straight up in bed. 

“Good morning,” she said.“What’s happening?” 

He only had time to blink at her before the bedroom door burst open. 

“Merlin, Percy, what’s wrong with… you…”

What had started out as an angry exclamation petered out as the intruder, a man in formalwear with the same violently red hair as Audrey’s bed partner, took stock of the scene.Now he was standing in the doorway, staring at the ceiling, face and ears red. 

“So, so sorry,” he stammered. 

“Oh for goodness sake, Ron,” came a female voice behind him, and the man in the door was quickly replaced by a dark-haired woman, also dressed very formally. 

It wasn’t the first time Audrey had ever been walked in on, but it was certainly the most dramatic.She was beginning to feel like she was in a very bad panto. 

“Hello, sorry you have to see this,” the newcomer said casually in Audrey’s direction, then turned to the man beside her in bed.“Percy Ignatius Weasley, your sister’s wedding starts in _two hours_.If you are not dressed and ready to go with us in fifteen minutes, she is going to _tear you to shreds_ , and _I will help_.” 

He — Percy, she supposed — blanched. 

“IS THAT CLEAR?” asked the very intimidating woman in the doorway. 

While Percy muttered some kind of response, Audrey grabbed her bra from the bed post and slipped it on quickly under the covers, then sat up and reached for her dress. 

“Well, this has been a very interesting Saturday,” she said, pulling on the dress and getting out of the bed.“Lovely to meet you all, I’m off.” 

Before she could make her escape, however, the other man stuck his head back in the room.“What about Penelope?” 

“Oh, Merlin,” the woman in the doorway muttered.“Percy, where’s Penelope?” 

Percy blinked.“Penny?How should I know?I haven’t seen her in…” 

“You should _know_ ,” the woman scolded, “because you told her mother you were going to bring her to the wedding!” 

“I did?”Percy sounded even more confused.“When did I do that?” 

“Percy!”This came from the man who was presumably Percy’s brother.“This ruins everything!We had her all down on the seating chart!We were going to stick the two of you with Harry’s horrid aunt because at least Penny would be able to hold a conversation with her!Merlin, what are we going to do?” 

The dark-haired woman had apparently stopped listening.Instead she was eyeing Audrey with an expression that Audrey wasn’t sure she liked. 

“I’m going to — “ she began, but the other woman interrupted her. 

“I’m Hermione.”She stuck out her hand.It would be rude not to shake it. 

“Audrey.” 

Hermione smiled, far too widely.“Hello, Audrey.How do you feel about attending a wedding today?” 

“No!” shouted both men at the same time. 

“Not very fondly, thank you.” 

“Hermione, you can’t — “

“Oh, hush, Ron.It’s the perfect solution.Petunia will like her, your father will _love_ her, Ginny’s seating charts won’t be ruined, your mother will just be happy Percy’s there.We can tell everyone that she and Percy have only been seeing each other a short while — how long have you known each other?” she asked Audrey. 

“Er, maybe fourteen hours?” 

Percy groaned.Ron looked stunned, even offended, but Audrey decided to interpret this as surprise that his brother was able to ‘get some’.Hermione was unfazed. 

“Perfect.We can say you’ve only been seeing each other a short while and it won’t even be lying.Come on, then, Audrey.There’s always good food at a wedding!” 

“Yes, but I’d have to eat it sitting next to someone’s horrid aunt,” Audrey pointed out, very reasonably, she thought. 

Hermione waved this away.“What do you do, Audrey?” 

“Er, I’m a marketing consultant?” 

“Perfect!”Hermione beamed.“Petunia will adore you.She’s only horrid to the rest of us because she disapproves, you know.” 

“Disapproves of what?”And why was she particularly fond of marketing professionals? 

A tense silence followed her question.After a moment, Hermione took charge again.“Ron, why don’t you get your brother cleaned up.Audrey, come with me out to the kitchen and we’ll talk.” 

“Anyway,” Audrey tried, desperately, as she found herself being herded into the kitchen, “I wouldn’t have anything to wear to a wedding — “

“Oh, we could fix that,” Hermione said. 

And then she told her about magic. 

 

~ * ~

 

Ten minutes later, Audrey looked perfectly ready for a wedding, but felt like she’d fallen into the Twilight Zone. 

The sexy black and gold dress she’d put on for a Friday night out had been magically altered, the skirt longer and fuller, black lace springing up from the neckline to cover her cleavage.It did look surprisingly wedding-appropriate. 

Hermione just waved her wand — her _wand_ — and Audrey found her hangover diminishing, her face and hair clean. 

_I fucked a wizard_ , she imagined telling Helen.No, Helen would never believe it.Maybe she should try Julia. 

“This is _barmy_ ,” she tried to say, but Hermione shook her head. 

“The one thing you need to know before we go is that there was a war in our world a few years ago and just about everyone at the wedding was involved in some way or another.” 

“Yeah, OK.”This was much less discomfiting than the last revelation, as ‘war’ was a more understandable word in Audrey’s vocabulary than ‘witch’.Iraq was in the news every day, wasn’t it? 

“I just wanted you to know.Harry — the groom — he’s a big hero because of it, but so many people lost loved ones.Including the Weasleys.Percy is — well.He was cautious in the beginning, and even though he ended up on the right side in the end, there are some scars there still, and some tension between him and the rest of the family.So, if things seem strained at all — “

“Lovely,” Audrey groaned.“So me being there is a shield, is it?” 

Hermione hesitated.“A little.But we always knew there was a good chance he would try to skip out.He’s pretty torn up about Fred — the brother who was killed.It comes out more during family events like this.Would you just try to keep an eye on him and keep him away from the rest of the Weasleys?Please, Audrey?” 

“Fine.But only because I’m curious about magic.Also, I may be having an existential crisis.It’s not nice to take advantage of someone in the midst of an existential crisis, you know!” 

The other woman did not respond. 

Ron hustled Percy out of the bathroom just then, looking refreshed and respectable again — not unlike the way he’d looked at the club last night.Audrey tried a grin, but Percy didn’t seem to want to look her in the face.He instead cast a longing glance at an empty bottle of Ogden’s. 

Great.She’d fucked a wizard with a drinking problem and family issues. 

“No time to lose!” cried Hermione cheerfully. 

Ron nodded.“Off we go, then.Percy, are you good to side-along, er, your, er, date?” 

“Erg,” was Percy’s eloquent response.Without looking at her, he took Audrey’s hand and put it on his arm.“Hold tight, close your eyes, stay as still as possible.” 

And then she felt what it must be like to be sucked into the inside of a vacuum cleaner. 

Seconds later, she opened her eyes to find that she was in front of a very precarious-looking house.A quick assessment told her she was all in one piece, although somewhat nauseated. 

“Well, that was… well.” 

Percy still wasn’t looking at her, but his mouth quirked into a bit of a grimace.“Sorry about that.I thought any more of a warning would just make you nervous.” 

“Oh, it would have,” she assured him.“That was — I don’t even have words for that.Where are we?” 

“Home,” he said glumly, and then the door burst open and people piled out. 

“Oh, Percy!You’re here!”A short, plump woman with silvering red hair ran out first — Percy’s mother, if she had to guess.Right on her heels was the bride, and a collection of redheaded men hovered behind them. 

The woman Audrey guessed was Mrs. Weasley threw her arms around Percy.When he didn’t return the hug, she stepped back, wiping tears from her eyes. 

“Well, now.Who’s this?” 

Percy still didn’t say anything, or look at Audrey for that matter.Which was more than a little disconcerting.For one thing, he hadn’t seemed at all shy or reserved or distant in bed last night; for another, Audrey had hoped for a little bit of help with this whole fake wedding date thing.She was doing him a bloody favour, wasn’t she?And _he_ had the gall to be all embarrassed about her. 

Looked like she’d be going in all on her own on this one. 

“Hello there!” she babbled with false enthusiasm.Well, nervous energy converted into enthusiasm.Same difference, right?“Audrey Blake, _so_ lovely to meet you…” 

Mrs. Weasley looked between Audrey and Percy a bit suspiciously, but to Audrey’s relief, didn’t ask about the woman Percy had originally intended to bring. 

“Audrey,” Mrs. Weasley said finally.“Well, Percy didn’t mention he was bringing his — er.” 

This roused Percy from his silence.“Mum, Ginny, this is Audrey.I haven’t been seeing her long, but Ron reckoned it was better to bring her rather than not, for the sake of your seating charts.” 

It might be the truth, but it still stung a bit. 

“Well, hell, Percy,” she exclaimed before she could stop herself.“Way to make a girl feel welcome.” 

Percy blushed.“That is, er.Audrey, this is my family, I’m so pleased you agreed to come with me today and meet them.” 

The bride stepped forward — Percy’s sister, if Audrey recalled correctly, although the colour of her hair probably would have led her to that conclusion anyway. 

“Nice to meet you, Audrey,” she said, extending a hand to shake.“I’m Ginny, as you’ve probably figured.Thanks for dragging this lug to my wedding.” 

“Congratulations!”Impulsively, Audrey leaned in to peck Ginny on both cheeks.“Luck to kiss the bride on her wedding day,” she explained when the redheads in the vicinity collectively gave her an odd look. 

“What a charming Muggle tradition!”An middle-aged gentleman pushed his way through the crowd.“Hello, Audrey, I’m Arthur.I greatly look forward to speaking with you later.” 

“ _Dad_ ,” squawked Percy and Ginny simultaneously.Everyone else laughed. 

Percy leaned over to whisper, and Audrey almost jumped out of her skin when his lips brushed the shell of her ear.“My dad.He has… let’s call it an interest in how non-magical people manage to live without magic.He’d be delighted if you humour him and answer his questions about how the postal system works or whatever nonsense he’s on now.” 

Bemused but game, Audrey nodded. 

Under cover of everyone poking fun at Arthur, Ginny gave Percy a quick hug and punched his arm lightly. 

“Hey!” 

“Oh, shut up, you great git.I’m just happy you’re here.At Ron and Hermione’s wedding… well, anyway.I’m happy to see you.” 

Percy shrugged and looked down.“I know you’d rather have Fred here, but…”

Seeing Ginny’s face darken, Audrey hastily stepped on Percy’s toes.“We’re very happy to be here, and I’m sure Percy is working on… er, mending?Mending, the family bond.Right?” 

When Percy didn’t pick up the thread immediately, Audrey jabbed him with her elbow. 

“Ow!Er, yeah.I’ve… missed all of you.” 

Ginny surveyed him silently for a moment.“You know, Perce?This isn’t about having five older brothers watching over me.I mean, I’m supposed to have six.But it’s not a substitution or anything, it’s about you for you, understand?You always wanted to take care of me.Even when you failed miserably, you always tried.You’re my _brother_ just as much as any of those idiots behind me, and hey, if I’m down one, better make the most of the five I’ve got left, yeah?Also, I like your new girlfriend.Keep her around.” 

With which parting shot, Ginny turned around and ran back towards the house, calling to Hermione about the bouquet. 

Everyone else had started to disperse.Audrey gathered it was time to start finding their seats for the ceremony.Following Percy towards an enormous white marquee, she sighed. 

“Well, I suppose that could have been worse.” 

Percy made a noncommittal noise. 

“Oh, _you’re_ one to talk,” she muttered.“Trying to ruin your sister’s wedding day with this whole self-pitying thing you have going on!” 

“What!I didn’t — “

“At least I know how to manage you now.”Audrey dug her nails into his arm and he stopped spluttering his protest.“I just need to get a bit physical and you’re exactly where I want you.” 

Percy flushed bright red. 

 

~ * ~

 

The ceremony was fine.Audrey rather thought the bride and groom were both a little young to be married, but they stared very soulfully into one another’s eyes as they made their vows so she gathered they really meant it.And she was happy for them that they’d found each other at such a young age.Maybe the war that had apparently decimated their community had made them eager to settle down when they had so much of their twenties left. 

Strangely, Audrey felt more at ease at the reception, even with the knowledge that her job was to distract someone’s Horrid Aunt.It wasn’t that different, she reasoned, than any business dinner or networking event.Charming a prickly person no one really wanted there was well within her skill set, and would keep the Weasleys from drawing her out and realizing that she wasn’t, in fact, seeing Percy.Unless you counted seeing him naked in bed last night. 

The dinner tables were magicked in, which as only a little bit disconcerting.Audrey was pleased to find a place card with her own name on it next to Percy’s — magic apparently being very helpful in removing signs of his old girlfriend.They were seated with an older lady, Mrs. Tonks, and her grandson, a boy go about five or six, in addition to the Horrid Aunt and her son. 

“You’re on the groom’s side today?” Mrs. Tonks asked Percy after the introductions had been made. 

“The bride’s side was a little full and the groom’s side a little empty.Besides, I didn’t want to subject Audrey here to the full force of the Weasleys yet.” 

“He didn’t tell me about magic until this morning,” Audrey put in cheerfully.“I don’t know, this might all still be a really weird dream.” 

The Horrid Aunt turned out to be called Mrs. Dursley, and she was not so much horrid as haughty.She clearly did not approve of Percy and was questionable about Mrs. Tonks and her grandson, but warmed to Audrey immediately.They had a lively discussion about business — her husband owned some kind of drill company, and it seemed that business was one thing that Mrs. Dursley did genuinely respect — and then turned to housekeeping.Audrey finished by giving Mrs. Dursley her mother’s special recipe for salmon Wellington, a sure-fire way to win over high-and-mighty middle-aged ladies with too much time on their hands. 

From there, Mrs. Dursley and Mrs. Tonks proceeded to talk gardening and the best way to keep earwigs out of one’s geraniums, and Audrey managed to have a good chat with the Dursley son about football.All in all, a successful meal, even if Percy barely said a word throughout. 

As the meal wound down, the bride and groom let the head table to wander through the crowd.The groom approached their table first. 

“Aunt Petunia, Dudley,” he said to the Dursleys.“Thanks for coming.” 

“Harry!” cried the little boy across the table from Audrey.He screwed up his face in fierce concentration — and suddenly his hair was black. 

Audrey and Mrs. Dursley both screamed. 

“Teddy!” scolded Mrs. Tonks.“I’m sorry about that — Teddy is a Metamorphmagus, he can change his appearance magically — Teddy, what did I say about changing in front of Muggles?” 

“But everyone else is doing magic, Gran,” Teddy pointed out.“And I want Harry!” 

Harry dutifully went over to hug the boy.“It’s okay this time.You’re right, everyone else is doing magic.” 

Apparently satisfied with this, the child went back to playing with his food. 

“Thanks for coming and bringing Teddy,” Harry said to Mrs. Tonks. 

To Audrey’s surprise, the stern matriarch’s eyes filled with tears.  “Oh, Harry.  You know how proud of you they would have been today?  Sirius would have made a dozen embarrassing toasts by now — Dora would have wanted to be in the wedding party, standing up with Ginny — and Remus — “

Harry quickly patted her arm.“Thank you, Dromeda.That means a lot.” 

Since she was a little bit allergic to emotional displays by total strangers, Audrey quietly excused herself and went to find the facilities.Wizarding weddings, she observed as she made her way across the marquee, were not unlike the ones she was used to, other than some very strange fashion choices and the fact that the paper lanterns seemed to be floating on thin air. 

She was ambushed on her way back from the toilet by three very athletic-looking women. 

“You’re here with Percy, yeah?” asked the tallest. 

One of the others giggled. 

“Oh, shut _up_ Alicia,” said the third.“Anyway, we were in his house at school and he was a prefect and later Head Boy — “

“This does not at all surprise me,” Audrey interrupted.All three women giggled — probably they’d gotten too deep into the champagne.“But continue.” 

“We were always curious… you know, he dated a Ravenclaw at school and she was never going to gossip with us…So, we were wondering…”

“He’s just so, so self-important all the time!” blurted out the original giggler.“And rather… pompous, inn’e?” 

“Be quiet, Alicia.”The tallest one, who seemed to be in charge, slapped a hand over the giggly one’s mouth.“He’s not much like his brothers — “

“And Angelina would know,” the giggly one snickered around her hand. 

“— _so_ , inappropriate commentary aside, we were just curious… you know, does he ever unwind?Become… bearable?” 

“He’s a better shag than you’d think to look at him, if that’s what you mean,” said Audrey matter-of-factly, since she was pretty sure that was what they were getting at. 

All three erupted into giggles once again.One of them laughed so hard she snorted, while another leaned on Audrey for support while she gasped for breath. 

Audrey tried to bring them back around.“Well, I don’t know what you wanted to hear.We haven’t been seeing each other that long, so I can’t offer that many insights on how he is as a boyfriend.” 

“I _love_ you,” squealed the giggliest one.“That is _exactly_ what I wanted to know.” 

“Well, this has been lovely.Cheers!”Audrey extracted herself from the group while they were distracted by another burst of laughter. 

Her freedom, however, was short-lived.She next found herself swallowed up in a group of red-headed men she assumed were Percy’s brothers — she could spotted Ron lurking uncomfortably at the edge of the group. 

“Hello there, Percy’s new girlfriend none of us had ever heard of.” 

Audrey raised her eyebrows at this.“Oh, I’m sorry.Should I know who you all are, gaggle of redheaded men towering over me?” 

They laughed, but the man who’d spoken didn’t give in.“How long have you been together?Where did you meet?” 

“Not very long, and on a night out dancing.” 

The brothers exchanged looks. 

“Percy went out dancing?” 

“Well, he went out, and I made him dance with me, and the rest, as they say, is history!” 

“As _who_ say?” asked one brother, while another said in disbelief, “Wait, Percy picked up a girl at a club?” 

“Or I picked him up, but, semantics.Oh, look, my white knight comes to save me from meddling family members!” 

Percy faced some good-natured ribbing from his brothers as he pushed through them to Audrey’s side, but he ignored it, to their disappointment. 

“Are these gits bothering you?” he asked when he reached her. 

“Not anymore,” she said happily, threading her arm through his.“You rescued me, you hero you.I just might swoon.” 

His face went red.As he pulled her back towards the table, his brothers continued to hoot and holler.“Oh, shut up,” he finally snapped, to their general laughter. 

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled as he pulled her chair out for her. 

“Not at all.”She sat, feeling quite pleased.“So.Head Boy?” 

“Er, yeah.”He still looked a bit embarrassed, which was surprisingly adorable. 

“I imagine you’re not aware how many fourteen-year-olds have very large and embarrassing crushes on the Head Boy.” 

“What!” 

“Oh, yes.I was just accosted by three of them.”She waggled her fingers at the three women from earlier, who were watching them with openly speculative glances.The giggly one waved back. 

“Oh — Merlin.I really hope you’re joking.Two of them dated my _brothers_.” 

She would have liked to tease him further, but the toasts had started and he seemed keen on them. 

Wedding toasts at a wedding where one didn’t know either the bride or the groom tended not to be very interesting, but as Audrey always liked to learn about people she was happy to listen.A lot of people seemed to want to speak — Audrey remembered what Hermione had said about the groom being some kind of war hero.Hermione, who was a bridesmaid, did give a toast, although she started crying partway through and Harry ended up standing to give her a hug.Ron spoke also, although many of his jokes fell flat. 

Just when things were about to die down, another of the Weasley brothers stood and the room went silent. 

He shifted back and forth at the podium for a minute, cleared his throat, and finally began, “This is a big moment.I can still remember getting to hold Ginny for a moment when she was a baby, even though I was only three.The first girl after six boys, as Bill pointed out earlier, rather a big deal.And Harry — I’ve known Harry for almost thirteen years now, ever since he was a scrawny eleven-year-old trying to find his way onto Platform 9 3/4 to get to Hogwarts.And — to get to the hippogriff in the room — for seven of those thirteen years, my twin, Fred, knew him too.” 

Oh. 

In the pause that followed, Audrey risked a glance at Percy.His face was preternaturally blank. 

“I’m so happy to welcome Harry into the family, and I know Fred would have been too.After all — for seven years we joked together, procrastinated on studying together, played Quidditch together, got _banned_ from Quidditch together for that matter, drove flying cars, rebelled against Voldemort and those who supported him — and, most of you don’t know this, but Harry is the one who gave us the galleons to start Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes.Most importantly, he makes my sister happy.So — Harry.You’ve been an honorary member of the family for a long time, and it’s good to make it official.There’s no one I’d rather have as a brother-in-law.If Fred was alive today, he’d say the same.To Harry and Ginny!” 

The applause that followed were tinged by sniffles.Both bride and groom had very bright eyes as they stood to embrace the speaker. 

Audrey turned to check on Percy’s reaction — and found that he was no longer at the table beside her. 

 

~ * ~

 

“Percy?What’s up?” 

She had finally tracked him down on the other side of a small orchard from the wedding celebrations.Night had fallen while they’d been under the marquee, so she had to spot him by the smudge of his red hair against the dark hedge.He’d gotten hard liquor from somewhere — she could smell it on him. 

“Nothing,” he said in a thick voice, swivelling so his back was fully facing her.“You should go back to the party.” 

“I’m not bloody well leaving you out here alone!” 

His only response was to burrow further into the hedge. 

Audrey sighed.“Come on.Despite what we told your family, you know you never have to see me again after tonight if you don’t want to.Wouldn’t it be good to talk about it with someone you know you don’t have to face later?” 

There was another long silence from the hedge.Then — 

“I’m the reason Fred is dead.” 

That… was not what she had expected.“Percy?” 

“I was an idiot, a git, I didn’t believe Voldemort was really back — I thought even if he was back the best way to fight him was through authority, the Ministry — but it was corrupt.I stopped talking to my family.By the time I realized I was wrong I couldn’t —it was a matter of life or death.For a while I didn’t know if any of them were dead or alive.And then in the end — the final battle — I finally made it back to them.They welcomed me back with open arms — and then I killed Fred.” 

“It was a war.”Surprised by the hoarseness of her own voice, Audrey cleared her throat.“It was a war.Things happen — “

“No.” 

In the dim light filtering through from across the orchard, she could see that his shoulders were unbearably tense.She wanted to put her arm around him.She wished he would turn around. 

“No,” he repeated.“We were fighting side by side — we each put our man down — and then in that break in the action I distracted him.” 

“Oh, Percy.” 

“I couldn’t — I couldn’t believe it at first.He was — Fred was always so full of life.Even more than George.He was probably the liveliest of all of us, except maybe Ginny.But by the end of the battle — well.” 

He was silent for a long moment.Audrey would have put a hand on his shoulder if she wasn’t convinced that he would shake her off. 

“I couldn’t face my family afterward,” he continued finally, and his voice was so quiet, so lonely, that Audrey gave in to her instincts and wrapped her arms around him, nuzzled her face into the back of his neck. 

From that position she could feel him shaking. 

“I couldn’t face them.How could I?It should have been me.It should have been me!Fred was with them all along, fighting with the Order as soon as he was old enough.I was a coward.I had turned my back on my family.I’m the opposite of everything they stand for.And I took Fred from them when _I should have been the one who died_.” 

His voice broke.The shaking turned into full-blown sobs.Audrey closed her eyes against her own tears and held him tighter. 

“Shhh,” she murmured.“Oh, Percy.” 

Eventually his sobs died down and she could feel him start to stiffen in her embrace.Before he could start to be embarrassed that he’d broken down in front of her — well, with his back to her — Audrey headed him off. 

“Do you know what I’ve been seeing all day today?” 

He didn’t answer. 

“I see a family who loves you.Who misses you.Who worries about you.What I haven’t seen is any ounce of blame.” 

“Of course they say they don’t — “

“Because they don’t!”Remembering something Ginny had said, Audrey added, “It’s not either-or.You can’t go back and change it, and honestly, there probably wasn’t much you could have done to change it at the time.But you’re not saving your family’s feelings by staying away from them.You’re making them feel like they’ve lost both Fred and you.” 

She let that sink in for a long moment before continuing.“You brother blasted the door off your flat to get you here on time.Your mother cried when you showed up, and your sister very nearly did too.Your brothers tracked me down to interrogate me because they were hurt they didn’t know enough about your life to know you were dating someone — or, for that matter, to know that you actually aren’t dating someone.Your family _loves_ you, no matter what you did, no matter what you couldn’t stop from happening.” 

Finally he turned around to face her.“Thanks,” he said after a long silence. 

After a minute she continued to her next topic.“Now.Do you want to talk about the drinking?” 

It was hard to tell in the dim light, but she thought he blushed.“I don’t — I only drink like that when it gets bad.To numb it, you know?I know it isn’t healthy.I know I should stop.” 

“I suppose the wizarding world doesn’t have anything like therapists,” she mused, and had her answer when he glanced at her curiously.Audrey made a mental note to have a little word with Hermione before the end of the evening — Hermione was the organized sort, she would surely sort it out.“Of course.Right.So continue.You drink to forget when the pain gets too bad… and then you go out clubbing and find a woman to take home?” 

He made a scandalized noise and started to deny it.Audrey laughed. 

“It’s fine, Percy.I know I’m not anything special.” 

“I think you are,” he said with a sigh.“I just didn’t know it when I decided to take you home.” 

Audrey closed her eyes.It was a throw-away comment — wouldn’t do for him to see how genuinely touched she was by it. 

“But, no.I go out clubbing and find someone to take home when I get lonely.It doesn’t necessarily overlap with the drinking.” 

“Well, so does everyone else, so that makes sense.I was there last night because it’s been a bloody stressful few weeks and I hoped a good shag would blow off some steam.” 

“Did it?” 

She grinned.“You know it did.I was practically boneless by the time you got through with me.” 

Percy strutted a bit at that.Good to see that his overall confidence hadn’t taken a hit with all this vulnerability he was throwing around. 

They sat in companionable silence for a few more minutes before Percy sighed.“I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have let you get dragged to my sister’s wedding, and I definitely shouldn’t have poured out all my problems on your shoulder.” 

“Nonsense.Your family is very interesting.I’m still boggled by the whole ‘magic’ thing.And I have to say I’ve gotten rather fond of you.” 

“Er, well, yes.”He was definitely blushing now.“We should get back.I hope my family won’t ask why I left during the toasts.It’s… well, a bit embarrassing.” 

Audrey laughed again.“Oh, Percy.Percy, Percy, Percy.” 

“What?” 

“This is a wedding!I expect that once they notice we’re missing they’ll assume we snuck our for a snog!” 

“What!” 

“Honestly, Percy, haven’t you been to a wedding before?” 

“No,” he said, “I still wasn’t speaking to my family for Bill’s and I was passed out drunk and didn’t make it to Ron’s.” 

No one had ever said Audrey didn’t fall for the most damaged ones. 

“OK, well, setting that aside for now.Snogging is not only expected, but accepted at weddings.No one will even question it.” 

“But we didn’t sneak out for a snog,” Percy pointed out in a very rational tone of voice. 

“Oh, didn’t we?Are you sure?” 

It took him a second to catch on, but finally he laughed and reached for her. 

 

~*~

 

Much happier — not to mention well-snogged — they made their way back to the reception hand-in-hand. 

Before they went in, Percy squeezed Audrey’s fingers.“I’m so lucky I picked you last night.” 

She raised an eyebrow.“Excuse me.I was the one who approached you, if you recall.I think you should feel lucky that _I_ picked _you_.” 

“Hmm.Yes, you did approach me.But I’m a wizard, remember?I have ways of keeping myself from being noticed until I want to be.” 

And the rest, as they say, was history. 


	8. The Blind Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percy took a long sip of wine. “So you don’t think we’d suit each other.” 
> 
> Silence for a moment as Audrey contemplated him. “I haven’t decided yet. I just don’t know if Oliver knows enough about me that he thought we’d suit or if this is entirely accidental.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changing it up a bit perspective-wise.

“Anything?” 

“No.Still alone.” 

“Ouch.How long has it been?” 

“He’s been here for half an hour, but knowing him, I’m sure he was early.” 

“OK, so we’re not going to call it yet.Still…”

“Can I go offer him some complimentary elf wine or something?” 

“Go ahead.If he really is getting stood up maybe he’ll buy the rest of the bottle.Oi — ” 

Dean Thomas, executive chef at the Free Elf restaurant, and Hannah Abbott, bartender, ducked back behind the kitchen doors when the object of their curiosity looked up from his newspaper to check his watch.Percy Weasley may have been a pompous git when he’d been their Head Boy back at school, but it was never fun to watch someone come to the slow realization that their date was never going to show. 

“I’ll go now,” said Hannah.“Give him something to distract himself.” 

“Just remember we have the Association of Persons with Lycanthropy social in the party room.I don’t know what kind of sibling rivalry thing we'll have on our hands if his brother comes out to find him having a drunken pity-party.” 

Hannah cast him steely look.“Honestly, Dean.Have I ever let anyone drink beyond their limit at your restaurant?” 

Instead of waiting for him to respond, she strode purposefully into the dining room and toward Percy Weasley’s table. 

“Hello, Mr. Weasley.Some elf-made wine while you wait?First glass on the house, as your brother is one of our primary investors.” 

Percy waved this off.“No, thank you, Miss Abbott.I’ll wait for my dinner companion to join me.” 

“Of course.Feel free to summon me if you want anything to drink, and remember you only have to tap your wand to your plate three times to order your meal.” 

He had already turned back to his newspaper before she finished speaking.Rolling her eyes, Hannah made her way back to the kitchen. 

“No go?” asked Dean. 

“He’s still convinced she’s on her way.Although I’ll be kind and assume that he’s a bit nervous about it and that’s why he’s being rude to the staff.” 

Dean raised his eyebrows.“I don’t know that my interpretation would be that charitable, myself.But that does make me feel a bit better about standing here gossiping about him.” 

It was another five minutes before Sierra, their less-than-welcoming teenage hostess, led a dishevelled-looking young woman over to Percy’s table, and then made a beeline for the kitchen doors. 

“Oh, PLEASE tell me you have them.He was such a wanker, you know, all, ‘oh, make sure as soon as my dinner companion arrives, you conduct her directly to my table’ and she is so not a wanker and I really, really want to see how this is going to go.” 

Dutifully, Dean fetched the Extendable Ears and passed one to Sierra and one to Hannah. 

Percy’s date was just making her excuses.“Oh good, you look exactly how Oliver described.Well, sorry about the delay, practice ran late again.I’m Audrey, by the way, but I’m sure you’ve gathered that by now.” 

“Indeed.And it’s no trouble.” 

They sat. 

“Your sister plays for the Harpies, then?I know their physio, of course, Cho Chang, probably could have made it professionally herself if she hadn’t been injured.Such a pity.Oh, Oliver did tell you I’m the team physiotherapist, didn’t he?It does seem like the kind of thing he’d remember, but then, I didn’t think it was possible for him to stop thinking about Quidditch for long enough to think about someone else’s love life.” 

“Er — yes, Oliver happened to mention.”Percy looked a bit discomfited by his date’s talkativeness.Behind the kitchen doors, Sierra grinned viciously. 

“In fact, until he mentioned he had a friend I might be interested in, I wasn’t entirely sure he knew I was a person and not some kind of inanimate object enchanted to keep Quidditch players’ bodies in peak athletic condition.” 

Percy appeared taken aback by this statement.Sierra descended into silent gales of laughter. 

After another moment, Audrey said in a speculative tone, “Say.You and Oliver were roommates at Hogwarts, you never — did you?” 

“WHAT?” exclaimed Percy.His face was violently red. 

“Well, you never know.”Audrey shrugged.“People get up to all sorts of things at Hogwarts.The Gryffindor boys’ dormitories are a bit notorious, aren’t they?” 

By now Percy’s face was purple.On the other side of the kitchen door, Dean smiled wistfully.“She’s not wrong about the Gryffindor boys’ dormitories.” 

Sierra whirled on him.“What happened in the dormitories?What did YOU do — “

“Oh, hush,” Hannah interrupted.“It’s unprofessional to ask about your boss’s sex life unless you’re _really_ close.” 

Dean laughed.“Don't listen to her, Sierra.  She's only saying that because she already knows she's going to ask Neville about it as soon as she gets home tonight.” 

“Obviously!” 

Back in the dining room, Audrey was saying, “Is there anywhere I can get a drink around here?” and Percy was waving his hand frantically, still very red. 

“Well, I guess that’s my cue,” Hannah said, and whisked over to pour their wine. 

“You needn’t be so embarrassed,” Audrey said once Hannah was far enough away that she should have been out of earshot.“I’m just stuck on Oliver setting us up.I thought perhaps if he had a previous experience that made him more likely to think of you in, you know, those terms — “

“Yes, well.He didn’t exactly come up with the idea on his own.I happened to mention to him that I was looking.” 

“Ah.And then I was the first likely-looking witch he happened to see after you mentioned it to him, I imagine.It’s all starting to come together now.” 

Percy took a long sip of wine.“So you don’t think we’d suit each other.” 

Silence for a moment as Audrey contemplated him.“I haven’t decided yet.I just don’t know if _Oliver_ knows enough about me that he thought we’d suit or if this is entirely accidental.” 

“In my experience the chance of hitting it off with someone chosen by a friend is the same as a coin toss.So I’m not sure if it matters what Oliver actually thinks.” 

“You’re right, of course,” she said after another long silence. 

“Less than a coin toss, I’d say,” Dean grumbled from the kitchen.“My friends are rotten at setting me up.” 

Hannah laughed with all the smugness of a witch who’s been with the same wizard since Hogwarts. 

By this time Percy had turned the conversation to the much less interesting topic of his job.It was hard to tell whether Audrey was actually listening to him or just staring very intently at his forehead. 

Duty called, and the (human) staff of the Free Elf were less inclined to ignore it when their Extendable Ears were giving them nothing but broomstick safety regulations.Each kept an eye on the couple throughout the evening — but alas, they remained unfailingly polite and thoroughly uninteresting. 

They passed Sierra’s station on their way out, and she popped her gum glumly in their direction. 

“Thank you for a lovely evening,” said Percy with excessive formality as they paused at the door. 

“Sure,” said Audrey. 

“Will I be seeing you again?” 

Audrey frowned thoughtfully.“You know… you never gave me an actual ‘no’ to my question about you and Oliver.” 

Percy went red.“What — not going to dignify — at any rate, not at all your business — “

“Well that’s probably true, but see, this is what I’ve been pondering all evening.You’re not exactly a straightforward sort, but you are a very _proper_ sort, a very _cares-what-people-think_ sort, and also an honest sort.If there really was no truth to it, you’d have said, ‘No, absolutely not,’ right away, wouldn’t you?” 

Sierra almost swallowed her gum.Percy went purple. 

“I think this is goodbye,” he said in a strained voice, backing out the door. 

Suddenly Audrey grinned.“I like you a lot better knowing you’ve got secrets in your past, you know!” 

By the time Sierra recovered her breath enough to call for Dean and Hannah, they were both long gone. 


	9. The Eugenics Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I propose a sort of breeding program — inspired by my recent sojourn at Hogwarts, if we could create something like the Sorting Hat that would ensure witches and wizards are matched with the most suitable partner with whom to procreate, I anticipate increasing the Pureblood population by at least forty percent over ten years.” 
> 
> The room burst into both murmurs of agreement and qualifying suggestions. 
> 
> Finally, the Minister raised a hand. “Enough. Dolores, I give you leave to develop a ‘matching hat’ and a procedure for such a program. Before we proceed with a pilot, I believe we should begin with some test cases to assess the methodology. I’m sure some young, unmarried Ministry employees will gladly volunteer their service.” 
> 
> As the Minister waited for this message to sink in, his eyes fell on the young scribe dutifully keeping the record. “In fact… you’re unmarried, aren’t you, Weasley?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, some content notes! As is made explicit in the chapter title, this one is about eugenics (planned reproduction between people with socially 'desirable' qualities/preventing people with socially 'undesirable' qualities from reproducing). 
> 
> As such, a general content note for all the ableism/racism/ethnocentrism/anti-semitism/classism and general grossness of the idea of eugenics more generally. This story takes place during Voldemort's control of the Ministry of Magic, so in this case the actual "qualities" being bred for are pure blood, magical ability, and loyalty to the Ministry.
> 
> More specifically. This story includes pregnancy, references to abortion, reproductive violence (coerced pregnancy), people undergoing medical procedures that are never explained to them, and implied/imagined nonconsensual sexual situations. 
> 
> And finally, (spoiler??) if you find the idea of two people paired together in a forced breeding program falling in love a bit squicky, be reassured that this isn't that... it's more two people growing closer together and you can maybe see at the end that they could fall in love one day. If you squint at it.

“This meeting of the Special Committee on Pureblood Population Growth is now called to order.Gentlemen, ah, lady” — this with a nod to Dolores Umbridge — “the business before us today is the shrinking of the wizarding population in Britain.As you are all no doubt aware, there has been an unfortunate tendency in recent generations for wizards to marry into families of unpure blood.Meanwhile, many of our oldest and most noble Pureblood families have been confining themselves to only one child — in some cases, none at all.This meeting has been called to discuss what must be done to increase and strengthen the Pureblood population within our borders.” 

“If I might make a suggestion, Minister?Perhaps certain incentives, tax breaks, the like, for Pureblood families with multiple children?” 

Some rumbles around the room.No one noticed the twitch in the facial expression of the young redheaded wizard tasked with keeping the minutes. 

“That is all well and good, Selwyn,” said the only witch in the room, “but don’t you think it’s time for something a bit more proactive?Something where the Ministry has a little more control, to encourage the, er, right kind of children?” 

This produced a larger rumble.The Minister waved it down.“Please continue, Dolores.Do I understand that you have an idea?” 

“Indeed, Minister.I propose a sort of breeding program — inspired by my recent sojourn at Hogwarts, if we could create something like the Sorting Hat that would ensure witches and wizards are matched with the most suitable partner with whom to procreate, I anticipate increasing the Pureblood population by at least forty percent over ten years.” 

The room burst into both murmurs of agreement and qualifying suggestions. 

“Does anyone in this room have that kind of magical ability — “

“We would have to begin as a pilot project, of course — “

“Who would our trial population be?I can’t imagine very many willingly agreeing to be test subjects — “

“Dolores, as brilliant as you are, this would require much more thought — “ 

Finally, the Minister raised a hand.“Enough.Dolores, I give you leave to develop a ‘matching hat’ and a procedure for such a program.Before we proceed with a pilot, I believe we should begin with some test cases to assess the methodology.I’m sure some young, unmarried Ministry employees will gladly volunteer their service.” 

As the Minister waited for this message to sink in, his eyes fell on the young scribe dutifully keeping the record.“In fact… you’re unmarried, aren’t you, Weasley?” 

 

* * *

 

It was barely a month before Percy was back in the gloomy committee chambers with the Special Committee on  Pureblood Population Growth.  This time, however, instead of sitting quietly in the back of the room keeping the minutes, he was front and centre, with all of the Special Committee members staring at him as Dolores Umbridge explained her invention. 

“While no one has successfully managed to recreate the spell that the Hogwarts founders used to create the Sorting Hat, my team and I were able to enchant this amulet to assess written reports on the subjects — in this case, various files and performance evaluations from their employment here at the Ministry.  The Matching Amulet has already spent the last week ingesting the files of all unmarried witches of childbearing age who are employed at the Ministry of Magic, and now it will assess our first test subject and select the best match for him from that pool.” 

Without so much as a questioning glance or ‘are you ready?’, Umbridge grabbed Percy’s hand and placed it on a large stack of files.With considerably more gentleness, she draped the amulet overtop.The rest of the Special Committee leaned forward in anticipation. 

Almost immediately, a tinny voice began to speak. 

“Percy Ignatius Weasley.Junior Assistant to the Minister for Magic.Pureblood.Wand, eleven inches, hawthorn, kelpie mane.Born, August 22, 1976.Weasley comes from a long Pureblood line, one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.In their favour: evidence of extreme fertility, consistently strong powers.Against: history of blood treachery, inability to better themselves.Weasley has been working at the Ministry since 1994.He is extremely dedicated to his job and to advancing through the ranks, however, his evaluations show a lack of creativity, critical thinking, and observational skills.Colleagues have also reported that Weasley can be pompous and self-important.” 

Percy had not expected the amulet to list his faults so baldly for all to hear.He focused on keeping his expression neutral. 

“I am searching my stores for a witch whose personality and family background would complement the positive aspects of Weasley’s and mitigate the less than desirable ones,” the amulet continued mechanically.“Top match found:Audrey Morgana Carmichael.”

_Audrey Morgana Carmichael_.The name felt momentous. 

“Desk Officer at the Goblin Liaison Office.Pureblood.Wand, nine inches, elm, unicorn hair.Born, December 14, 1974.Miss Carmichael comes from a long though not prestigious Pureblood line.Her family tends toward Ravenclaw.No evidence of disloyalty to the Ministry of Magic or to the wizarding community, although they have not been as fertile or as productive in terms of raw magical potential as the Weasleys.Miss Carmichael has been employed at the Ministry since 1993.Her supervisor and colleagues have noted that she is remarkably intelligent, a gifted problem-solver, easy-going and very diplomatic.” 

The amulet had finished reporting its analysis.In the sudden silence, Percy scrambled for a memory of Audrey Carmichael.After all, when he’d been a Prefect he’d done his best to know every person in the school.He managed to call up a vague image of curly hair and robes trimmed in Ravenclaw blue. 

“Hem, hem.”It wad Madam Umbridge’s voice that broke the silence.“It sounds like the amulet has made its first match.We will seek Miss Carmichael’s agreement to be a test case, and then we can begin arranging the conception.” 

Percy’s stomach turned itself inside out. 

 

* * *

 

Audrey Carmichael was tall, nearly as tall as Percy himself, graceful and elegant. 

At Hogwarts they must have come across one another, in the corridors or in the Great Hall or on the platform waiting to board the train.But Percy saw her, really saw her, for the first time when he was summoned to Umbridge’s office the following afternoon.She stood very quietly by Umbridge’s enchanted window, hands clasped behind her back.When he cleared his throat she turned in his direction, held his gaze for a long moment.Her face was blank. 

If Umbridge had her way, this would be the mother of his children. 

“Ah, Weasley,” said Umbridge without rising from behind her desk.“I wanted to give you the good news myself.Miss Carmichael has agreed to be a test case.The two of you will become the first participants in the Special Program for the Breeding of Magically Superior Children.” 

Percy did not expect Audrey had much more choice in the matter than he had. 

“Is that its official name?” he enquired politely. 

“If the Minister approves,” replied Umbridge.“Now, if the both of you could please coordinate with my secretary, we need to schedule an appointment for the conception.Since you are the very first test case, I would like to be present for every step of the process.” 

“Of course, Madam Umbridge.”Audrey’s voice was quiet and very calm.“That is only to be expected.We’ll see your secretary now.” 

And she swept serenely out of the office.With a parting nod to Umbridge, Percy followed. 

Umbridge did not like to waste time.  After Audrey answered some questions about her reproductive health and timing that Percy found frankly intrusive, they were scheduled for conception the following week. 

Feeling dazed, Percy followed Audrey onto the lift.It was blessedly empty other than the two of them. 

He supposed they were in this whole mess together now. 

“Your brothers.”It was the first thing she’d ever said that was directed at him.“One of them was Head Boy, and one of them played for Gryffindor in Quidditch.” 

“Yes.I was Head Boy as well in my time, and all my younger brothers played Quidditch for Gryffindor.But my family and I are estranged.” 

Audrey considered him at length, silently and impassively.He might have felt uncomfortable except that the past months had taught him the vital importance of silence and impassivity.He still wasn’t sure if he’d passed muster when she left the lift without a backwards glance. 

 

* * *

 

The next time he saw her was at St. Mungo’s for the conception.They were in a special treatment room with Umbridge, a few other Ministry officials, and several Healers.Percy caught Audrey’s eye over the heads of the hovering Healers and attempted a smile.Maybe it didn’t turn out, because her expression tightened and she looked away. 

“Hem hem.”Umbridge clapped her hands and silence fell.“Welcome, everyone, to a momentous occasion: the conception of the very first of a new generation of wizards, born to parents specially selected by magic to produce superior children.I call it the Special Program for the Breeding of Magically Superior Children, and it is quickly becoming one of the projects I am proudest of.” 

As if she was going to be the one doing the hard work! 

Umbridge clapped her hands again.“Let us begin!” 

Two Healers advanced on Percy.He desperately wished he’d asked what the procedure would involve… 

The next thing he knew he was in a hospital bed, alone. 

 

* * *

 

In the following weeks Percy sometimes wondered if the whole thing had been a figment of his imagination.The Special Committee did not meet.None of its members referred to the incident when Percy came across them in other circumstances.He didn’t see Audrey again. 

During the daytime it was easy enough to forget.But at night, as he tossed and turned in his lonely bed, the treatment room at St. Mungo’s haunted him.Had the Healers knocked him unconscious so he wouldn’t have to experience a painful or invasive procedure?Or had Umbridge wiped his memory?Beforehand he had assumed that the Healers had some way of magically conceiving a child that was less intimate than the… traditional method of conceiving.But on his worst nights, he wondered how far Umbridge would be willing to take an Imperius curse. 

 

* * *

 

It came as something of a relief when Percy received a flying memo from Umbridge a few weeks later, telling him that his presence was expected at St. Mungo’s that afternoon for an appointment.This, at least, was affirmation that he hadn’t imagined the entire experience.At the same time the acknowledgement that it was real made him feel a bit sick to his stomach.What the bloody hell had he gotten himself into? 

Percy arrived at the allotted place at the allotted time — well, five minutes before the allotted time, as was usual for him.Audrey caught his eye and gave a tiny nod in acknowledgement.When Umbridge arrived, she barely glanced at him, and the Healer didn’t look at him at all. 

The medical examination mostly consisted of the Healer waving his wand over Audrey’s abdomen, staring very intently and muttering spells under his breath.He did not explain what he was looking for, or why, or what the process was.Percy suspected that Audrey was uncomfortable — not that her face showed any such thing, but her shoulders were very stiff. 

“Well,” the Healer finally said, removing his glasses and looking directly at Umbridge, “the program so far is very successful.Miss Carmichael is carrying a viable fetus.” 

Umbridge clapped her hands and cooed. 

Percy tried to keep his lunch down.It helped to focus on Audrey’s carefully expressionless face.Her shoulders were still visibly tense.If she had shown any sign of discomfort other than that, he might have risked touching her arm in comfort. 

The Healer began to dictate advice about nutrition and adverse effects of magic.Percy would have liked to stay, to listen, to support Audrey, but Umbridge waved him into the corridor. 

“Congratulations, Mr. Weasley.I couldn’t have hoped for a more successful outcome than a viable fetus on the very first try.Now, I have a few matters I’d like to bring to the Minister’s attention…” 

When Audrey emerged from the examination room, Umbridge directed them towards the Floo connection.But at the last moment Audrey turned away, hand at her mouth. 

“I don’t think it’s wise to risk it, actually, Madam Umbridge,” she excused herself.“I think I’ll walk.” 

Percy stepped away to follow, but Umbridge herded him into the nearest fireplace, still discussing the agenda for her meeting with the Minister. 

 

* * *

 

The Special Committee on Pureblood Population Growth met again the next week, and heartily approved Umbridge’s suggested name of the Special Program for the Breeding of Magically Superior Children. 

Because the first test case had been so successful, over the following months the Special Committee approved two more.Adrian Pucey was a wizard even younger than Percy who had played Quidditch for Slytherin at Hogwarts.Percy gathered that he was one of Umbridge’s underlings who had gotten a bit out of line.The amulet judged that the Pucey family did not hold very much renown and selected for Adrian a witch from the Office of Misinformation who was reported to be descended from Helga Hufflepuff herself.This was most noteworthy to Percy because he’d seen the young witch and wizard arriving at the Ministry holding hands more than once.He wondered whether Adrian had somehow Confounded the amulet or just gotten lucky. 

John Dawlish, of the Auror Department, had apparently agreed to participate in order to shorten his suspension after having lost a prisoner on the way to Azkaban.The Matching Amulet found him to be “of weak character”, lacking follow-through, and an overall poor decision-maker.To correct these faults, he was matched with an entirely sensible witch from International Magical Trading Standards.Percy had worked with Rachel Macmillan during his time at the Department of International Magical Cooperation.She was in her mid-thirties, stoic and efficient, and Percy happened to agree with the amulet’s assessment of the fortitude of her character. 

He briefly considered asking Rachel to meet for a pint to discuss the situation.But he didn’t want to chance sounding dissatisfied with the current regime, even if it was only to the ears of someone just as hard done by as he. 

 

* * *

 

The other shoe, as it were, dropped at Audrey’s next appointment at St. Mungo’s. 

“A fortuitous sign for Pureblood fertility!” exclaimed the Healer.He was fairly glowing as he turned to Umbridge.“Madam Umbridge, you will be pleased to know how successful your program is.Miss Carmichael is carrying twins!” 

Umbridge was so pleased that she giggled.Percy tried not to gag. 

Because he was watching Audrey closely, Percy saw the flicker of emotion before her face settled back into its customary blankness. 

Audrey hadn’t signed on to bear the children of a total stranger, at least not willingly.And she certainly hadn’t signed on to carry twins.Percy could only imagine what she was feeling.Especially since he highly doubted she would tell him. 

As Umbridge and the Healer continued in their orgy of self-congratulation, Percy’s thoughts wandered along the lines of twins.Specifically, his own brothers.They had been thorns in his side ever since they’d been born, but Merlin, he wished he was with them now.He’d take all the badgering and heckling they had to give him, all of which he surely deserved. 

Umbridge was still distracted by “her grand success” as the Healer ushered them out of his office, which gave Percy the opportunity to duck away from the Floo connection and follow Audrey out onto the street. 

“You don’t have to walk with me,” she said as he caught up with her.“I’ll be fine.Just a bit too queasy to face the Floo.It happens.” 

“It’s nice to get out for a walk sometimes.” 

Audrey shrugged, apparently not bothered by his presence. 

Without any more ado, they began to walk.It was not a nice day to be outside.Winter in London meant gloomy skies and a damp chill that was difficult to shake even if you could cast a Warming Charm.The Muggles they passed certainly looked miserable.But Audrey moved at a good pace for a woman pregnant with twins, and the walk to the Ministry entrances was manageable. 

After several minutes of silence, Percy sighed.“I’m sorry.” 

“None of this was your idea.”Was that a hint of a laugh in her voice? 

“No, but — I was stuck in it from the start.The amulet only chose you because of me — “

“It picked me out of a pool, which is not your fault — “

“ — and even if I accept that your involvement is not my responsibility, this _is_ my fault, twins run in my family.” 

“Also not your fault,” said Audrey, lifting an eyebrow.“It happens.You have no control over it.” 

“But — “

“You may express your sympathy at what I’m going through.And I suggest expressing your support when things start getting more difficult.But no blame, please.We’re both here at the whims of fate.” 

It wasn’t worth pursuing that avenue further.But maybe there was still something he could do.“Has Umbridge been giving you updates on the business from the Special Committee?” 

Audrey frowned.“No.They’re updating you on Special Committee meetings?” 

“I’m the Junior Assistant to the Minister,” he reminded her with a grimace.“I’m _at_ the Special Committee meetings.” 

“Ah.”Audrey smiled wryly.“I imagine you were sitting there, all Pureblooded and unmarried, in the middle of the meeting about how Purebloods these days aren’t having children.Everything falls into place.” 

“Essentially.The point is — maybe you’ll let me keep you informed about anything of interest.” 

They were approaching the abandoned public toilet that hid the staff entrances to the Ministry, and Percy was surprised to realize that they’d slowed from a brisk walk to a gentle stroll.At the stairs down to the ladies’, Audrey stopped and looked Percy in the eye. 

“Please.” 

 

* * *

 

The very next meeting of the Special Committee brought a momentous piece of news. 

“Hem, hem.”Umbridge gave the room a saccharine sweet smile.It sent a chill down Percy’s spine.“One of our participating test cases had a question I believe is pertinent to this body.To what extent do we believe that the witch and wizard involved should co-parent these children?I admit I had earlier considered removing the children from the parents and raising them in a carefully controlled environment that would nurture their magical development, but that seems short-sighted.Thoughts?” 

Yaxley disagreed.“I think you had the right idea the first time, Dolores.Not all parents can be trusted to instil the right values in their children.” 

A chorus of yeas and nays broke out, as all the committee members seemed to have their own opinions on the raising of children.It quickly devolved into a shouting match. 

“If I may.”The Minister cleared his throat and the committee instantly fell silent.“The witch and wizard were matched by your superb amulet, Dolores, and I don’t think that should be treated lightly.There are some aspects of personality, if not of magic, that one inherits not through blood but through time spent with one’s parents.In that case, in order to see the full benefit of the amulet’s careful matching, I believe each child should spend time with both parents in the years leading up to Hogwarts.” 

“Of course, Minister.Perhaps if our test cases make various different co-parenting arrangements we can assess which one is the most efficient.” 

As soon as the meeting adjourned, Percy decamped for a Muggle coffee shop a few blocks from the Ministry’s street entrance. 

Audrey was already there, holding an enormous hot chocolate.She looked up when he entered, tilting her mug in his direction in greeting. 

“That’s not unexpected,” she said once Percy had filled her in.“I imagine it was Rachel who asked, she and Dawlish don’t get on at all.Chloe and Adrian are already living together anyway, although I doubt they’ve told the committee about that.And then — naturally the two of us would end up somewhere in between.” 

That was essentially what Percy had expected as well, but it felt different to hear Audrey say it.Was that their future?Would this be them, fifteen odd years from now, meeting for coffee after work to discuss the twins’ performance in school, then going their separate ways until it was time for the carefully negotiated school holidays? 

His thoughts were interrupted by Audrey’s gasp.“Oh, they’re kicking!” 

It took him a second to realize she meant the twins. 

His children. 

Percy was so stunned that he stared at Audrey without blinking for a long moment, until she smiled and reached for his hand. 

“Do you want to feel?” 

His hand was on her stomach.In the back of Percy’s mind he acknowledged the irony that they were having _babies_ together and this was the first time that he’d so much as touched her — that he was aware of, anyway. 

A nudge against his hand.Percy jumped back in shock. 

“I know,” Audrey laughed.“The first time I felt them I couldn’t believe it either.”

For the first time, it hit him powerfully that he was going to be _a father_ , not just a grudging participant in a program designed by a dangerous and powerful regime. 

He wondered if he could love children that had been mandated by decree of Dolores Umbridge. 

 

* * *

 

At Audrey’s next appointment at St. Mungo’s, the Healer informed Umbridge that the first magically superior children in her special breeding program would be little witches. 

Percy’s stomach tightened.In his mind’s eye, two tiny Ginnys tumbled around the garden at the Burrow the way Fred and George had as children.Then he remembered his family had been forced to abandon the Burrow and go into hiding. 

This was not what he’d expected parenthood to be like, this sterile truce with a woman who kept her feelings under lock and key, managing as best as possible under the dictates of a toadying, bigoted bureaucrat.Umbridge would frown on the children playing or frolicking. 

What would Umbridge do if the girls turned out not to be as powerfully magical as the amulet had predicted?If she deemed this program a failure? 

His mind’s eye turned to the two little Ginnys again.He remembered his sister’s pale, gaunt face that year she’d been possessed by a shade of You-Know-Who, and shuddered. 

No, he decided.No matter what, Umbridge was _not_ going to hurt his daughters. 

 

* * *

 

A fourth wizard had volunteered to be a text case for the Special Program for the Breeding of Magically Superior Children.Percy shivered as known Death Eater Walden Macnair stood in the front of the committee chambers, the Matching Amulet draped over a hand that had wielded the executioner’s axe as well as the Killing Curse.He didn’t envy the witch who’d be compelled to procreate with Macnair… 

“Top match found,” trebled the amulet.“Sylvia Fawcett.” 

Percy’s stomach turned over. 

He _knew_ the Fawcetts.He knew Sylvia.The Fawcetts lived near Ottery St. Catchpole, not far from the Burrow.He hadn’t seen Sylvia since he’d been Head Boy and she’d been a fourth year… she would be, what, eighteen now?Nineteen?He remembered her as small, and sweet, shy and just a bit mischievous. 

The meeting was wrapping up; Percy hadn’t taken any notes in the last ten minutes anyway.He backed out of the committee chambers, dizzy and nauseated. 

Merlin, he wished he’d asked about the conception procedure when he’d had the chance.It would be too suspicious to ask now, but… His head spun with images of tiny Sylvia Fawcett cowering under the hands of the middle-aged Death Eater. 

Percy managed to make it to Audrey’s office before his knees gave out and he collapsed into the chair across from her. 

“I wasn’t expecting you,” Audrey said, looking up from a scroll of parchment. 

He fished through this pocket for a sweet and dropped it on her desk.It was useful to keep one on him as a pretext for visiting with his pregnant… whatever she was to him. 

“Ooh, cockroach cluster!I know, they’re absolutely _disgusting_ , and yet I just can’t… Percy?” 

“Do you — “His voice was croaky.He paused to clear his throat.“Do you know Sylvia Fawcett?” 

Audrey frowned.“The name sounds familiar… she was in Ravenclaw, wasn’t she?I think she was sorted when I was in… sixth year, maybe.Clearly I never knew her well.” 

“She’s just been selected by the amulet.” 

All emotion leeched out of Audrey’s face.“Who was she matched with?” she asked, voice low and apparently calm. 

“Walden Macnair.” 

Audrey nodded tightly.“I feel rather nostalgic these days.It would be lovely to see some classmates from my old House.” 

Under the desk, Percy found her hand and squeezed it. 

 

* * *

Everything happened so quickly after that. 

The break-in at Gringotts.News from Hogsmeade.Reconciliation with his family.The whirlwind of battle.The loss, the victory, the grief, the exhilaration, the arrests of the Death Eaters and their collaborators, the appointment of interim officials.The celebrations, the anger, the grief… 

For a few weeks, Percy saw no one but his own family and various members of the Order of the Phoenix.The situation with Audrey was always in the back of his mind, but since no one asked, he gathered that news of the early test cases of the Special Program for the Breeding of Magically Superior Children had not spread this far.Mentally and emotionally overwhelmed —by victory, by grief, by guilt, by everything that needed doing — he allowed it to stay at the back of his mind.There would be time later to tell his family.Besides, now that the Special Committee that had arranged the entire pregnancy had been overthrown and its members killed or imprisoned, he had no idea whether any agreement he’d made with Audrey still stood.Whether there even was a pregnancy anymore. 

A few weeks after the Battle of Hogwarts, there was a vigil for the lives lost during the Second Wizarding War.After the ceremony and the speeches, as people started filing out or grouping together to share their sorrows, Percy stood at the edge of the crowd, watching, searching — 

— and there, among one of the tightly clustered groups, stood Audrey, in plain white robes, one hand resting on her distended stomach. 

It had only been a few weeks — he was startled at how much bigger she looked.Maybe twins grew faster… or maybe it was just that he had been accustomed to seeing her almost every day.He was relieved.…he was staring. 

She spotted him then, excused herself from her companions and made her way in his direction.Percy met her halfway. 

“Hi,” he said, suddenly realizing the unsuitability of the English language for expressing how fucked up of a situation they’d been in together. 

“Hi.”She looked at him steadily.Her face was pale, her eyes tired, but otherwise she seemed to be in good health. 

“Did you lose someone?” 

“My cousin.”She reached down to rub her stomach, as if thinking of death reminded her of the life growing inside her.“I heard about your brother.I’m sorry.” 

“Thanks.” 

There was so much to say, os much to decide about what happened next with them, with the babies.Percy couldn’t fathom how to begin.Fortunately Audrey did it for him. 

“So… Macnair was killed.In the battle.That makes life a little easier for Sylvia.” 

“Did they — “

Audrey shook her head.“No.They were scheduled at St. Mungo’s for two days after the battle.She’s had a narrow escape, poor thing.But she was the only one I was worried about.Chloe and Adrian will sort it out between them, and Rachel can take care of herself.She’s only fifteen weeks along, I think she’s planning to terminate.” 

“To terminate?” 

“Terminate the pregnancy,” Audrey clarified. 

And here it was, the first blow.  Percy marshalled his courage.  “Ah.  And are you considering — well — “

“No!No.”Audrey sighed, rubbed her stomach again.Percy felt relieved.When had the babies stopped being mostly theoretical to him?“I’ve spent so long thinking about these babies, trying to figure out how I could protect them from Umbridge and her Special Committee.From this whole mad world!No, they’re mine now, I don’t care that it was some harebrained scheme of Umbridge’s that gave them to me.They’re my daughters — _our_ daughters.Unless you’re not interested in — “

“I am,” he said quickly.“I want… well.” 

There were still so many things he didn’t know, that he wasn’t sure he’d ever know.How their daughters had been conceived, for one.But he did know that they were his responsibility, his daughters, his family, _his_. 

Audrey smiled.“We’ll work it out, won’t we?I trust us.And… I think we should name them after our mothers.” 

One for each of them so it would be easier to split them up if co-parenting magically engineered children got too weird?But that was a darker thought than the moment deserved. 

“I still haven’t explained the whole thing to my mother,” he admitted.“But I like that idea.” 

“Yeah, well.Women tend to get the shorter end of the stick on this one.”She smiled ruefully at him, patting her stomach. 

“I know.And I feel rotten that you’re having to go through all this.” 

Audrey turned suddenly serious.“You could have abdicated all responsibility from the beginning.You could have very easily not cared.Umbridge and her cronies wouldn’t have noticed.But you didn’t.If the amulet had to match me with someone — I feel very lucky it was you.” 

“Well.”Percy felt the back of his neck heat up as she took his hand.He must look like a tomato.“I’m not going to abandon you.And I’m certainly not going to abandon the girls.” 

Pressing his hand against her stomach, where their daughters were kicking, Audrey smiled. 

“I know.” 


	10. The Damsel in Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Either there was something really odd in my tea this afternoon or there is an ACTUAL BLOODY DRAGON BEHIND YOU.” 
> 
> “Well, that’s just — “
> 
> Against her better judgement, Audrey turned around. And stopped mid-sentence. 
> 
> There was, indeed, a massive green reptile, complete with wings and tail, munching on what was probably a sheep. 
> 
> “Huh,” was all Audrey could say

“Daniel, I think we need to talk.” 

“What do you think we’re doing right now?” 

“You know what I — eurgh.” 

And _this_ was a prime example of why they needed to talk.Why did he feel the need to make everything into a joke?Audrey focused on her breathing and tried to tamp down the frustration she felt toward her boyfriend of six months. 

“I mean, I think we need to talk about us,” she amended. 

Daniel looked away from her, out at the rolling green hills of the Welsh landscape. 

“It’s just,” she continued, because it seemed like he wasn’t going to say anything, “that I don’t know how right we are for each other.We seem to have very different temperaments.” 

Another long pause.He did not choose to refute the statement.Audrey soldiered on. 

“But then, we do have fun together, don’t we?So, I guess we have to figure out… what happens next.If we want to keep on going or if we’re just wasting our time.” 

He still wasn’t looking at her.He was looking over her shoulder, and his eyes slowly widened.Maybe what she was saying was finally getting through!He opened his mouth, and said… 

“Holy — is that a _dragon_?” 

It was the last straw. 

“Oh, can you be serious for once in your life?” Audrey yelled.“Is our relationship a joke to you?I know this stupid ‘distraction’ prank, you want me to turn around so you can run away and avoid this conversation.Well, I find that a sign of incredible immaturity.I don’t think you’re ready for an adult relationship and I think we should break up!” 

“Audrey — “Daniel really had gone incredibly pale — “I take your point but I am not fucking joking right now.Either there was something really odd in my tea this afternoon or there is an ACTUAL BLOODY DRAGON BEHIND YOU.” 

“Well, that’s just — “

Against her better judgement, Audrey turned around.And stopped mid-sentence. 

There was, indeed, a massive green reptile, complete with wings and tail, munching on what was probably a sheep. 

“Huh,” was all Audrey could say.Behind her, Daniel had started to hyperventilate. 

It wasn’t actually a dragon, Audrey reasoned.That was just totally impossible.Dragons didn’t exist, had never existed.Confused people who found dinosaur fossils and put them together wrong were the ones who had invented the idea of the dragon.Besides, they weren’t anywhere near Loch Ness.No, clearly it was some kind of optical illusion.Was there a projector somewhere?Or could it be animatronic like the dinosaurs in the filming of _Jurassic Park_?Yes, that must be it.Maybe they were filming a fantasy movie here. 

Reassured, Audrey let out a nervous laugh.What a lifelike prop! 

That was the moment when the dragon finished with its sheep and turned its attention to the nearest life forms.More specifically, the life form that had the poor sense to make noise close to a dragon. 

“Oh, shite,” said Audrey, before she remembered that dragons weren’t real and this was animatronics or something. 

“That’s it.”Daniel sounded shakier than she’d ever heard him.“I’m calling 999.” 

She could hear him making the call in the background.Having to argue that no, in fact, he definitely hadn’t taken any hallucinogenic drugs, and he thought the operator’s language was rather offensive toward people struggling with mental illness, actually, seemed to have helped him regain some of his composure.Daniel’s voice was no longer shaky when he threw his phone on the ground, yelling, “Sodding useless emergency services!” 

But this saga only took a fraction of Audrey’s attention.The bulk of it was focused on the not-dragon slowly advancing on her position. 

Fifty metres away now… thirty… twenty… oh god, ten metres away and the closer it got the more impressed she was with the animatronics, it _had_ to be animatronic, she refused to believe that she was about to be eaten by a nonexistent monster that was now _only fifteen metres away —_

A series of loud cracks brought Audrey out of her trance.Before she could look around, voices started yelling “STUPEFY!” and the thing that was not a dragon stumbled backwards. 

“Mary mother of God,” mumbled Daniel from the ground.Audrey glanced at him with some surprise.When had he gotten down there? 

“Excuse me, sir, ma’am.” 

Audrey looked up again.A man in prominent glasses and a dark suit at odds with his fiery red hair was striding purposefully towards them. 

“Oh, hello,” Audrey said vaguely.“Are you the director?” 

The man gave her a strange look.“I am a representative.Now, can you tell me what happened?” 

“It finished eating its sheep and then it saw us and came towards us,” she told him.“What is it?” 

“Common Welsh Green dragon.Drat, I was really hoping you could tell me how it got here.They don’t run wild outside of the reserve, some malicious witch or wizard must have set it free.” 

That was too much of a garden variety response to have been a prank.Audrey’s mind skated over the “witch or wizard” thrown in at the end.She’d think about that later. 

“So it really is a dragon, then?” 

“Oh, indeed.”The man turned to watch as the others who had accompanied him subdued the dragon and put it to sleep.“Magnificent but dangerous beasts,” he muttered. 

“Oh, yes.”Daniel was back in fine form.“Magnificent.Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the beauty and majesty of the monster that was just about to eat us.Lovely.I only hope my mutton thinks the same thing before I make it into a stew.” 

The man glared down at Daniel over the rim of his glasses.“Does this seem like a laughing matter to you, sir?Someone is causing mischief by releasing dragons near large populations of non-magical people who are totally at their mercy, and you think it’s a jolly good time to make a joke about the food chain?” 

“Everything seems like a laughing matter to Daniel,” Audrey offered, giddily remembering that she’d been in the process of chucking him for just that fault twenty minutes ago. 

The man looked at her for a long moment before returning to Daniel.“Well then… Daniel, was it?Since you don’t have any useful information for me, and I’m sure you’d rather go back to a time when you’d never seen a dragon… _Obliviate_.” 

Daniel’s face went totally blank for a moment, and then he blinked into confusion.“What… what’s happening?Audrey?Who is this?” 

“You must have had a few too many pints,” the man said sternly.“You called emergency services babbling something about having seen a monster.I’m not surprised you don’t remember now that you’ve sobered up a bit.” 

“I don’t… feel drunk?”Daniel blinked again.“Audrey?” 

“Sorry, Daniel,” she said soothingly.“We broke up.Just a bit before you claimed to see a… what was it, a dragon?Maybe that’s why you were drinking so much.” 

There was a long pause. 

“Oh,” he said.“Well, my head is splitting.Can I go home, er, detective?” 

The man nodded.“I think you’d better.” 

“What did you do to him?” Audrey asked as they watched Daniel walk away. 

“It was a simple Memory charm.Other than being unable to remember the past three hours or so, he’s completely unharmed.Although I’m sorry you felt you had to end your relationship to lend the story verisimilitude.” 

“Oh, I didn’t,” she assured him.“That part is true.I was in the process of ‘letting him down easy’, as they say, when he started gibbering that there was a dragon behind me.” 

“I see.”The man looked amused now. 

“Well, I suppose I’m next then?To have my memories erased?”It was a frightening prospect to be sure, but Daniel had seemed alright, hadn’t he? 

“You seem much more coherent than your companion, I see no harm in conversing for a while first.You may be able to tell me something that will help us discover where the dragon came from.” 

A reprieve!“Well.I’m not going to say no to that.” 

The man held out his hand.“Your companion called you Audrey?I’m Percy Weasley, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.” 

“Charmed,” Audrey said, shaking his hand.“And flattered.Accidents and catastrophes and it only took a sheep-eating dragon to introduce us!” 

Percy Weasley smiled. 


End file.
